Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Secrets Revealed
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.28.2003
The Kid offers Kevin his choice of beverages, but he turns her down, then asks if she wants to go to the CamPound and hang out with the twins. The Kid says that the prospect of spending time with Asslee or the twins is not a good one. I love The Kid, y'all. The T-1000 glares at her. "This does not compute," he says.
And we're back with the SamVid, who, last time we left them, were confessing their undying love for Asslee -- and she was confessing hers for them right back. Now the twins are topless. I'm just saying. Asslee offers them some post-coital bug juice. "We loooovvve bug juice. Mommy never lets us drink bug juice. It's delicious," SamVid says. I think SamVid needs to concentrate more on getting Mommy to give them food before they move on to sugary drinks. Kevin runs in, carrying The Kid. He drops her on the ground and says he'll be right back, then runs away. The Kid politely introduces herself to the gang. The phone rings, and Asslee, the worst babysitter ever, abandons the children to get it. The Kid lures SamVid into a game of hide-and-seek. She'll hide, and they'll seek. The easily-fooled twins close their eyes and begin to count. They only get to "eight," which is good since I'm pretty sure they don't know much beyond that, when Kevin walks in and asks where The Kid went. They say that she's hiding. Kevin goes into Search and Destroy mode. I mean, "Search and Rescue mode."
Back at Det. Michaels's second job, a group of teenage boys we've never seen before buy a bunch of medium-sized packages of chips and some cans of soda. Ah, to be young and unaware of the importance of value-shopping. If they bought three large bags of chips and a two-liter bottle of soda, they would have gotten the same amount of the same stuff for only half the price! One of them drops a package of rolling papers on the counter. Hmm, someone's planning a fun evening. They're "Rollers" brand rolling papers, by the way. The 7th Heaven prop team missed a grand opportunity for some more fake product placement by not calling them "Brenda's Rolling Papers." Det. Michaels picks up the package. "They're not illegal," points out one of the kids. Det. Michaels whips out his plastic police badge and kicks everyone out of the store except for the tall, skinny, shaggy-haired guy. Poor kid -- his friends just shrug and turn around and leave. You'd think the one who knew the ins and outs of the rolling paper laws would at least point out that what Det. Michaels is doing is against his friend's civil rights, but no. Det. Michaels tells the guy not to worry, because they're "here to help." He's going to wake up in Buffalo tomorrow with a wicked headache and no idea how he got there, isn't he?
As Lucy walks up the stairs to the Treehouse of Lurv, a graphic advertising the upcoming season premiere of Smallville pops onto the lower half of my screen, filling it with flashing gold trails of light. It's a good thing I have no emotional investment in the show it's disrupting, or else I'd be pissed. Lucy hears the sound of girlish giggling and follows it to her bathroom, where she sees Kevin and Chandler hunkered over a stolen copy of Playboy. Or The Kid. Lucy is rather surprised to see her, and asks where Kevin is. The question is answered by its subject, as Kevin comes barreling up the stairs, yelling for some person named "Hayley." Oh, I guess Hayley is The Kid's name. Too bad; I was kind of hoping that we would never find out her first name, just like we'll never know her grandfather's. Kevin meanly yells at Hayley to come out of the bathroom, then tells her off about how hide-and-seek is "not a good game to play with a babysitter," and possibly not "a good game to play at all." What? I've had my own problems with the game, as I've said before, but I hold no grudge; hide-and-seek is tons of fun, and it's a great game to play with your babysitter. Anyways, Kevin should be happy that Hayley gave him a chance to test out the infrared sensors he had installed in his visual cortex last week. Hayley asks Kevin to turn his anger down a couple notches because he's scaring her. Kevin tries to make a point about how his adult self frightening a small child is analogous to said small child playing a fun kid's game that said adult doesn't want to play, even though said adult ditched said small child beforehand. He says that he's going to tell on Hayley to her grandfather. She tries to convince him not to, but he will not be moved. Lucy says that they've made the right choice in waiting a while to have children. Well, obviously. It will be a while before that care-taking subroutine they programmed into Kevin's mainframe takes full effect.