Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Secrets Revealed
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.28.2003
In the almost pitch-black church offices, Lou tells RevCam that the emergency fund is back up to where they projected. RevCam disinterestedly says that that's great, and asks if they're done now. You'd think he'd be more invested in the church's budget, seeing as a good 75 percent of his income comes from the money he embezzles out of it. Lou makes some smartass remark about RevCam not "really" being at the meeting, then starts talking about what's really important: RevCam's kids. Eric gives him an update on Simon's college outlook, which Lou doesn't really care about, because he really wants to talk about Mary. He heard a rumor that she was… "Pregnant?" RevCam asks. Lou was going to say "married," but this sounds much more interesting. RevCam says that Mary is both pregnant and married, and asks Lou to make sure that people know that she got married before she got pregnant. Lou asks if RevCam's planning to make a formal announcement. That would be cool: "Hear ye, hear ye! I, RevCam, doth declare that my daughter, Mary, is not a slut! She totally got married before she did it. So sayeth I." RevCam says that this would ruin everyone's gossiping fun. Lou laughs just a little too hard at this, and leaves. I think that Lou secretly hates RevCam. The phone rings. Mercifully, we do not have to see a split screen of Ruthie asking Eric to pick her up from Peter's place. I thought he lived right down the street -- can't she just walk home?
Oh, how sad. Det Michaels is trying to make ends meet by moonlighting as a night shift manager at a convenience store. After he finishes ringing up a purchase, a co-worker guy asks him if Kevin knows about this. Det. Michaels says that Kevin does not know, and goes on to tell us the current location of every Camden in town. He says that he doesn't want anyone else to know about this either. The guy asks where Simon is. Det. Michaels says that the guy he had following Simon reported that he's at an editing facility and nowhere near the store. Then he cleans off a counter and says that all they have to do is "wait, and hope that [Asslee's] right." I love how into this undercover character Det. Michaels was, what with the ringing people up and cleaning the counter. Maybe he should consider a career change to the exciting world of convenience store management. I'll bet his wife would come back to him, too.
Chandler is on a date with a girl who looks like Mena Suvari. She asks a bunch of questions about Roxanne until Chandler asks her to stop. So she changes the subject to the Camdens, specifically Simon. "Do [the CamRents] have him on anti-depressants?" she inquires. I'm getting really sick of this whole subplot about how everyone in the town cares about the Camdens. A few years ago in my small town, the husband of a town official with school-attending children got arrested for buying cocaine for his very young girlfriend, and no one made as big a deal over that as all of Glenoak is making over Simon. Chandler says that he doesn't know if Simon's on medication or not. Not Mena says that a lot of people take them, like "Alice," some girl Chandler dated the other night, who's been taking them ever since she found out that she couldn't have kids. First of all, that's not the kind of thing that anti-depressants are for, to the best of my knowledge, so Alice needs to find herself a better psychiatrist. Second of all, if Brenda's trying to make some kind of statement about how people who are on anti-depressants are crazy/unstable/funny, she should probably take her head out of her uneducated ass. Third of all, anti-depressants wouldn't be a bad idea for Annie. Not Mena asks if Chandler's on anti-depressants; he says no. She's confused at this, but doesn't want to say more. She wants to talk about the Camdens again, and about how Mary married a homeless guy "in the midst of a family tragedy -- what is she thinking?" Um, she married him before the accident, and she probably wasn't thinking very much at the time because Mary is lucky to even qualify as a sentient being. Chandler wants to talk about the anti-depressants again. Not Mena says that it's okay that he takes them because his father died, although she did hear that anti-depressants affect one's "love life." But there's no need for Chandler to worry, because love from the right woman will cure his sex problems. Chandler says that he's not taking medication, and his love life is none of anyone's business. Not Mena says that because Chandler's the associate pastor, his love life is "everyone's business." Oh, really? What about Yasmine? She doesn't go to Chandler's stupid little church, so is his sex life any of her business?
Ruthie sits on Peter's front steps and tells the approaching Eric that she's ready to go. He asks why Peter isn't waiting outside with her, then rings the doorbell to talk to him. From behind the door, Peter asks what he wants. "It's Mr. Camden…Eric…Ruthie's dad," RevCam says, like, I think he got it with the first one, but thanks for the clarification. Peter opens the door. He's still wearing the make-up. RevCam looks at him like, "I think we need to talk, son. And you probably need to stop dating my daughter." Peter explains that he's wearing make-up because he tried to protect his little woman from being talked about. RevCam says that there's no way to keep people from talking, so Peter's beating was probably all for naught. Ruthie asks if RevCam is giving them a private sermon on how the only thing they can control is how they feel, and she doesn't know how she can choose how she feels when people call her brother a killer. Peter asks what RevCam chooses to feel. RevCam mutters something about tolerance, than changes the subject to Peter's face and what can be done for it.