Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Need Drugs
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.25.2001
Corretta and Elaine simper into Nelle's office. They do not ask about Nelle's ridiculous turtle-v sweater. They ask her to hang out at the bar with them later so they can try and snare themselves some menfolk. Nelle says yeah, grudgingly, then when they're gone, smiles. She's gonna go to the bar and snare herself a ma-yun!
Ally's blathering in her office that if Jackie seems reasonable on the stand, they have a shot. Her young man stands by her side, silently. Jenny comes in and asks how the case is going. Glenn thinks they're "winning." Jenny says, "Hooray for justice!" Jackie says she raised Jenny "to be silly, but never rude." Wow, was I raised to be silly? What a strange quality to try to instill in a child. Aren't children naturally silly, which is later squashed out of them by school and other institutions? And, how is Jenny silly? She's not. She's not even funny. She's neurotic, and blunt, but not silly. Anyway, Jenny proves herself to be neurotic and blunt by asking her "cute" stepdad-to-be why he's with her fifty-year-old mom: "Couldn't you have found a younger model?" I wish he'd just say, "It's a fetish. I'm totally hot for older women. It's just for sex, mainly. Older women are so grateful!" But of course, nothing is ever that straightforward. He can "excite" younger women, "but not fulfill them." You see, everyone, younger women are looking for qualities in a partner to satisfy parts of themselves, but older women know to be complete first, then share with a partner. Plus, older women know the "touch of a hand can be as intimate, if not more so, than sex." And this is a cognitive thing, that happens naturally with age! I bet now all our lives will be easier, knowing the facts. And, that all our relationships in our younger years were a sham. Now we women can just wait to be older, and thus truly happy. Thank you, David E. Kelley! Thank you for straightening out our lives. Jackie mentions that her young man went to Yale, but he could "bag groceries" and it wouldn't matter, because it's the person that counts, and he's the "one [she] choose[s] to be with." Sure, then why couldn't this character have gone to, say, Villanova? Or Seton Hall? Because everyone hears "Yale" and says, "Ooh." Plenty of obnoxious fuckwads go to Yale. Jackie is all, should I not date him because it may not be right tomorrow? The young man mentions another thing he doesn't like about younger women: "They tend to run scared." Ooh, ouch, Ally! And Jenny! Daggers right in their not-yet-matured-to-perfection hearts.