Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Need Drugs
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.25.2001
Corretta and Elaine are in the unisex. Corretta comments on what a sexually charged workplace this is. Elaine is all, "Isn't it grrreat!" But Corretta isn't "getting any." Neither is Elaine! Aw, they're bonding. Isn't it cute? Nelle comes out of a stall and rolls her eyes so hard I can hear them tumbling in her skull. What the hell top is she wearing? A v-neck and a turtleneck combo, together at last in the same sweater? Is this what demon aunts knit in hell? "Is this appropriate talk?" They're in a bathroom, Elaine points out. And is Nelle getting any? Oh please. All she has to do "is snap [her] fingers..." and she snaps her fingers right in Richard's face, who's popped up behind her. Well, she proved her point. Nelle makes to leave and says hello to Jenny's mom. Richard sees his opening and makes his move. Would Jackie mind stepping into this stall to hear Richard's private thought? Run, Jackie Bisset. Run like the wind. Once inside the hole, Richard makes his pitch. "Money. I'm not suggesting love can be bought, but...." He uses to remote to flick on the hole stereo (hol-e-o? stere-hole?) and the extra-heavy bass of "Brick House" pumps out. Jackie is all, you may have bitten off more than you can chew. Richard says he's "chewed a lot." Hee. Does Richard think he could kiss her without ending up a puddle on the floor? Richard says he doesn't usually turn to liquid, if you know what he means, and I know that you do. She plants one on him, and he melts like jelly on a baby's fingers in springtime. Well. Go Jackie Bisset!
Court. The incestment...whoops, I mean "investment" banking firm that canned Jackie is making their case. They need people to trust them in order to do business. Jackie "dating a twenty-year-old" undermines that trust. And every client would know, because they "work the cocktail circuit" and "do a lot of socializing." Oh, christ. This shit is so ridiculous. Ally steps up. What about a fifty-year-old man and a twenty-two-year-old woman? Huh? What about that, huh? Well? The man on the stand says he'd question that man's judgment as well. Does the fifty-year-old deserve to lose his job over it? And what if Ally and he dated? Well, that would be different, because Ally, says the man on the stand, "is in [her] forties." In Fantasy Mode, Ally picks him up over her head and spins him around, pro-wrestling style. Nothing further!
Judge Ling is on the air. She's hearing a car-wax product liability case. The plaintiff is complaining that the wax made his car duller than before he used it. On a sunny day, the defect is detectable! Ling suggests driving the car only on cloudy days. Speaking of duller...Ling covers the mic with her hand and reminds the plaintiff that this is a TV show, and the cases need to be interesting. Ling finds for the defendant. Oh, Ling. How the mighty bitch has fallen.