Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT I Need Drugs
By Alex Richmond | Season 5 | Episode 5 | Aired on 11.25.2001
Richard leaps onto Jackie. He liked the kiss. And he's not into samplers. So, if she changes her mind, he's the first in line. He's still free. Take a chance on he. Jackie says, mamma mia! I think I'm going crazy! My, my! No, but she busts him for quoting ABBA lyrics to her. But Richard is desperate! He starts to quote the Guess Who, but she knows that song too. "Bugger," says Richard. Hey, that reminds me. I'm missing AbFab. Bugger indeed.
Glenn's snoozing on Nelle's couch. He's disgruntled because Ally won't pay him no mind. Nelle, resplendent in her turtle-v, stands up and says that "women lose interest in their Ken dolls soon after they toss their Barbies." So Glenn needs to muss himself up a little, to show "character": "Ally likes damaged goods. Ally is damaged goods." So go get interesting, Glenn. And stay out of Nelle's office, since his Calvin Klein cologne "kills [her] plants." Glenn leaves, and waves the fumes from his upper torso toward a tall leafy green thing. Hee.
Back in Judge Ling's court/set, a couple is whining that their wedding was ruined because the band was bad. Ling says she can see that the plaintiff is ugly, but people need to see for themselves: "Get the band in here and I'll decide. Cut! I need smarter contestants." Oh, poor Ling. Poor, poor Ling.
Jackie Bisset is on the stand. She and Ally banter about love and logic, and "marriage having a fifty-fifty success rate these days" (whatever!), and any marriage is "a leap of faith." The defendant's lawyer objects to the pattern of riffing. Ling bursts through, saying her chambers are nearby, and she doesn't have to "walk around," since she's a judge. Jackie says that "perception" is flawed when it comes to marriage, and that honoring traditions is different from clinging to them "in the face of obvious failure." Like, it should be okay for an older woman to marry a younger man. Or, duh. Ally gets a tragic look on her face when Jackie says she loves Tim. Vonda starts singing, and we transition into Ally sitting in her office, swaying in time to Vonda's song. Elaine pops in and asks how Ally is doing. Ally asks how her hair looks. At the same moment, Elaine's pants catch fire and her nose grows as she says, "Fine!" Then Ally asks if Elaine ever thinks she's a...Elaine finishes, "Fool?" How'd Elaine know Ally was about to say "fool"? Elaine comes in and sits down, then says Ally won't date Glenn, even though she wants to, because she's decided that he's wrong for her, for whatever reason. After all, thirty-two isn't that old! Ally says she's only thirty-one. Elaine maintains that Ally is "clueless" as to what's right or wrong for her. "After all, [she] thought Larry was right!" She also thought Larry was a shrink, at first.