Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Depression On A DVD, Part One
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 3 | Aired on 07.20.1997
Hill tells us being in a gang is like belonging to a religion. Well, death certainly permeates both. Keane calls Mavis for a round of hand-down-the-pants phone sex. Said walks in and manages to dampen Keane's enthusiasm with the power of his stare. Said's glower: The anti-Viagra. Carry a Polaroid of it around for those embarrassing situations.
In the main area, Ryan tells Schillinger and Beecher that Burruano wants to talk to him again; then the camera moves to show Rebadow telling Groves that God told him Post's dick was cut off and stuck in his mouth. Well, that sounds like the sort of thing He'd like to sit down and dish about, all right.
Weight room. D'Angelo enters, and Adebisi regales Markstram and Keane with a story of how the term "doo-wop" came into being. Not shockingly, it has to do with blacks killing Italians. A fight immediately breaks out. D'Angelo clocks Adebisi but good with a dumbbell, and gets the better of Markstram as well before Keane gets him to the floor and starts choking him with a barbell. The hacks rush in and pull Keane off. Groves, in the basketball area, watches the whole thing with interest, then dribbles a basketball fairly proficiently. I just love how no one fucks with him.
In his office, Glynn says into the phone that he wants a SORT team put on alert. I think it's fair to say that no one wants it to come to that. McManus paces nervously; then there's a knock on the door, and Keane, Said, and Schibetta enter. McManus is all, "Gentlemen, we have a problem," but Glynn cuts him off. Leo, how do you feel about moonlit walks on the beach? Oh good, I hate them too. Glynn speechifies that they need to contain the violence before the Feds come in and there's a riot. "Nobody wants a riot, right?" Glynn, you forgot to call Fontana to this meeting. The three prisoners agree that they don't want a riot, and Glynn charges them with getting the word out, because if there's one more instance of violence, Oz will be shut down faster than a game of three-card monte in front of a New York City police station.
In the main area, various people gossip about the news that they're not being locked down yet. Groves, with the aid of a pen and a lighter, is burning the word "MOM" on his left hand below the knuckles. Oh, no. He's not going to eat his hand, is he? Hill VOs that to belong, you have to share power and pain. Keane and Markstram are inspecting a small box in Keane's pod. Markstram wonders what it is, and Keane suggests it might be cannoli. It's more likely to be salami, I think. Yup -- Keane opens it and freaks, saying it's Post's dick. Markstram leaves, ostensibly to vomit. I'm just in shock that Fontana passed both on showing a dismembered dick and on showing projectile puking. Glad he didn't stay soft.