Episode Report Card Keckler: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The Vulcansnatchers
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.07.2003
Selaya. The Vulcombies wreak more havoc on their ship. "Is it too late?" Quantum comms Phlox. Phlox thinks he can rebuild T'Pol, but he needs to start right away. Quantum asks if there's anything he can do to help the Vulcan crew, but Phlox believes it's far too late for them: "The neurological damage is irreversible -- they're dying, Captain." T'Pol screams from the floor that Phlox is lying and wants the Vulcans to die. Quantum loses his connection. Dry ice creeps into the area, and Uh-Oh Hawkins announces that the Vulcombies have flooded them with hexofluorine. They may be completely bughouse, but those Vulcombies sure are resourceful with the fake toxins.
The Vulcombies pound on the bulkheads. The Away Team cough. Quantum confirms that they have fifteen minutes to get clear after they initiate the system overload. "No! Murderer!" T'Pol screams at Quantum. Quantum tells her that the people can't be saved and, keeping a gun on her, gets Uh-Oh Hawkins through the trapdoor in the ceiling. He calls Reed over and boosts T'Pol through into Uh-Oh Hawkins's care next. Vulcombie hands appear on the edge of the door as they force it back. Quantum hurries Reed, who finishes the overload and goes through the trapdoor. Quantum follows. The Away Team run through the corridors and go through more trapdoors in the ceilings. It's like Alice in Wonderland on this ship. Some explosions start along the surface of the Vulcan ship. At one point, T'Pol tries to escape down the rabbit hole, but Quantum grabs her around the waist and lifts her away. She flails like a tantrumic child. Too bad he doesn't know the Vulcan neck pinch. Uh-Oh Hawkins runs ahead and gives them an estimation of how far they have to go before they sleep. On the way, T'Pol stops to look at a dead Vulcan on a snowy evening. Uh-Oh Hawkins sees a giant hole in the floor and gets upset. Yanking T'Pol along, Quantum joins them as they fight off two more Vulcpire Bats. "How are you with the long jump?" Reed asks. Thrusting the sulky Vulcan into Uh-Oh Hawkins's care, Quantum gets Reed to help him lay a beam across the gap. He encourages T'Pol to walk the balance beam with him, but she'd rather die. Actually, she'd rather kill him. She lunges at Quantum with a roar, who finally stuns her and bodily carries her across to (arguable) safety. If he dragged her by her neck, he could just say he was trying to protect her and he's sorry for the toothmarks. Fending off a fresh wave of Vulcombies, Reed orders Uh-Oh Hawkins across. I wonder if their guns are set to "kill" now. I mean, they're going to blow up the ship anyway, so what does it matter? In true horror-flick fashion, Uh-Oh Hawkins can't finish his balance beam routine without a Vulcombie hurling himself at his feet, trying to drag him down. Damn Soviet judge. Uh-Oh Hawkins kicks him into the crevasse and gets to the other side. He and Quantum tug at the door. Reed leaps across the balance beam -- in one jump, it seems -- and subsequently destroys their Bridge to Terabithia. The Vulcombies gesture madly from the other side as the Away Team scuttle under the door. A few lemmingish Vulcombies even run right into the pit of despair.
Many more explosions on the exterior of the Selaya. The sh'pod is still docked on its side, and Quantum can't shake them free. Uh-Oh Hawkins announces that they're being hailed. Is it the Vulcombies, and are they going to say, "Now I'm on the fifth step. Now I'm on the fourth step. Now I'm on the third step..."? Because that would be awesome! Sadly, it's only Trip to their rescue, with May-All-That-They-Could-And-Do-Leave-Behind as his pilot. Quantum explains that they can't release the docking clamps. Trip tells him to stand by, and we see a beam fired at the docking clamp holding Quantum and Qrew. It neatly severs it, and they both fly home. Behind them, the Selaya explodes. Quantum and Reed exchange relieved looks and then look at T'Pol. She's napping in the back. Breathing heavily.