Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Aeryn Wide Awake In the Garden
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 03.25.1999
D'Argo chases John through Moya, trying to force-feed him something gross. In space, you see, they don't have toothbrushes -- they have "dentics," which are like Khan maggots that you put in your mouth and let them crawl around sucking all your plaque and bacteria off your teeth. "Get out of my face!" screams John, meaning it literally, and D'Argo calls him a coward, noting that dentics are vastly more efficient than toothbrushes. John whines and bitches and moans and wishes fervently he were on the Enterprise -- because you know that however they do it, you never even have to admit that you eat or shit or get stuff between your teeth -- and finally D'Argo just shoves the thing into his mouth and watches him feel it working. John finally gags, and D'Argo grabs him by the neck. "Never. Swallow. A dentic!" Which hygienically and scientifically makes sense, but also comments on symbiosis: the rudeness of the host in killing its parasite would here be punished by toxicity and death. In space, you have to be nice to your parasites, and to the fact of their biological ickiness, because it mirrors your own. Off this line, Moya goes wonky and lurches, tossing D'Argo and John around and knocking Rygel into his painting, where a long red line now mars the canvas. Imperfection. Aeryn calls D'Argo and John ("Hmm...kinda minty!") up to command.
Outside, there's a lovely and sinister haze, moving strangely. "Best I can tell, it's asteroid debris," says Aeryn. D'Argo asserts that asteroid debris does not move like that. What does? Something gross. I don't know why anybody likes this show, but I do know that if you can get through this episode without barfing, you probably will like this show. The haze jerks on Moya again, and there's a jolt as John and Zhaan enter. "Don't tell me -- Moya's got hiccups," says John, and D'Argo demands that they immediately get away from the cloud. Aeryn illustrates that that isn't the real problem, because D'Argo always sees the closest thing and wants to fight it, and Aeryn always sees the farthest thing, and wants to kill it: a ship on the other side of the debris field. Aeryn and D'Argo agree that they have to stay on the other side of the cloud from the ship, and John figures out that it's a Peacekeeper scout ship. "Crais's eyes and ears," as Zhaan explains, "...And claws," Aeryn smiles. It's a Marauder, one of those ships I can never tell which is which. "Five man crew. Highest level of training. Success measured by body count." John starts to ask Zhaan, then changes course mid-question to Aeryn, the PK in attendance: "How fast can they go?" It's a nice nod to remind you that (a) Zhaan is his go-to girl for information, starting now basically, and (b) Aeryn's ex-PK.
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