Episode Report Card 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Sex Is Like A Misdemeanor
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 19 | Aired on April 24, 2004
Fats announces that the Charmed Ones' request for a review of the Cleaners' actions has been granted, and two sets of tables and chairs immediately materialize on opposite sides of the platform. Almost instantly after that, Barbas flames onto the scene. "What the hell is he doing here?" Phoebe blurts, panicked. I'd like to know the same thing. I mean, I get that they simply banished him the first two times their paths crossed his, but that vanquish in "Sympathy for the Demon" seemed pretty goddamned final at the time. Barbas confirms that Cole did indeed vanquish him "to the fires of Hell" -- like, Waste Land, you assholes -- but that he, Barbas, has been granted temporary leave to act as the gals' opposing counsel. The ladies protest, but the ginormous demonic heads insist that they have the right to select anyone they want to prosecute their case. Barbas then babbles some legalese-type crap that I'd transcribe if this were Law & Order, but it's not, so I won't. The upshot of his request is that the lavender hexagon at the platform's center flares to emit an upside-down cone of blue light, wherein we can see the Doormat and his dazzling wife cuddling in a prison cell. The Doormat's lawyer approaches from the other side of the bars to glum, "The governor denied the stay." "What's going on?" splutters the Dolt. "We have accelerated time, but only for the execution," replies Django. "You have until midnight to convince us," Fats adds, "or his sentence will be carried out." Given that the average length of the death penalty appeals process is anywhere from eight to fifteen years, I guess I'm now writing this recap from the future. Fuck me, but this show is awful. "Magic will be protected," Jelly Roll concludes, ignoring my angst, "one way or the other." The Ominous Horns Of Impending Doormat Doom belch as the holographic image of the doormat in question gets sucked into the commercial break.