Episode Report Card 0 USERS: N/A YOU GRADE IT Sex Is Like A Misdemeanor
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 19 | Aired on April 24, 2004
Phoebe snaps her head in Raige's direction to peeve, but is fortunately interrupted by the doorbell. She passes through the front hall to find The Distraught Yet Still Dazzling Sheila standing on the porch. After hastening her indoors, Phoebe, who's been joined by Raige, wonders what gives. "It's Darryl," The Dazzling Sheila replies. "They just arrested him for murder." Raige gapes. Phoebe goggles. The Dazzling Sheila sniffles. The camera…
…cuts to the interrogation/interview room at Trudeau Memorial, formerly Andy's House Of Beef, formerly The Loneliest Precinct House In The World. As a guard hovers in the background, an orange-jumpsuited Doormat admits to Phoebe and Raige that his memory of the previous evening's events is, at best, fuzzy. In a really bad bit of overdubbing, Phoebe opines that "something really weird is going on here," just as the Doormat's court-appointed lawyer appears to prepare the Doormat for his arraignment. Violating God knows how many of Doormat's constitutional rights, the cop standing guard does not make himself scarce and instead remains in the shadows, listening to everything that follows. I hate this show. There's some babbling about Phoebe and Raige providing the Doormat with an alibi, but as they're typically vague with the details, the public defender's forced to remind them that perjuring themselves isn't going to help their friend. He adds that the prosecution's evidence is overwhelming. Phoebe and Raige make buh? noises. The Doormat instructs his lawyer to show them the videotape. The lawyer slides a CD-ROM into a handy laptop, and we see a drastically altered version of the previous evening's alleyway encounter. The perp, hands waving in the air, desperately pleads for his life as the Doormat coldly pumps three bullets into his chest. Raige shakes her head, at a loss. "That's not what happened," Phoebe breathes. The lawyer's all, "Whatever, dingbat." The Doormat sighs.
Out at the late, lamented Andy's old desk, the woman from last night shuffles through some paperwork until Phoebe and Raige approach, addressing her as "Inspector Sheridan" and wondering if they can have a quick word with her. Phoebe immediately gets all up in this woman's face, accusing her of doctoring the images on the videotape in order to frame Detective Doormat. Inspector Sheridan, who resembles a less ethereal Julianne Moore, is all, "And you are?" Upon hearing Phoebe's name, she hmmms and notes that the Halliwells' names pop up repeatedly in Detective Doormat's files. "For the record," she continues, "I didn't fake anything, because I was there undercover, and I saw it go down with my own eyes." "I've been investigating Morris for a few weeks now," she adds as Phoebe and Raige shoot suspicious looks at each other, "trying to figure out why so many of his suspects over the last five years just vanish or mysteriously wind up dead. Now I know: He takes the law into his own hands." And with that, she excuses herself and breezes past the Manor Morons, who gape and jaw at each other until they come to a realization they choose not to share with the audience.