Episode Report Card Chuck: B- | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Song, Song...Ewww
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.09.2002
As the guard fires another shot, there's a flashback to Rivera, eyes gouged, in the infirmary. In McManus's office, Alvarez revisits the couldn't-be-more-perfect coincidence that drove him to the program and explains that he wants to do right by Rivera by giving him Julie The Seeing Eye Dog. Ms. Dog orders McManus to call Rivera to arrange a dog-brokering session. Although McManus wonders how Rivera will feel about returning to Oz, he and his wife Anita are there in no time flat. Free stuff, man. Works every time. Ms. Dog's channeling Pam Grier. Anita's convinced that the dogs are for lonely people; she likes taking care of her husband and doesn't care that the dogs will help her by freeing up time. She obviously wears the pants in the family. As Rivera does his best Ron-Popeil-infomercial rendering of, "I'm skeptical," Anita lays into McManus for the best idea since -- well, since those shitty interactions with Alvarez. When she discovers that Alvarez trained the dog in question, she flips, and forbids her husband to have anything to do with innocent, lovable Julie, who's gotten herself all mixed up in the petty wars of men. As Anita hustles her baby out the door, Ms. Dog and McManus entreat Rivera to take the dog, while I'm wondering why, if there's such a shortage of dogs, they're bothering to force one on a guy that doesn't really want one. Oh, yeah -- self-righteousness.
More crime. A protest. There's a cow protesting something. And Father Daniel Meade. A priest who destroyed private property and assaulted an officer of the law. An old priest who gets a fifteen-year sentence in Oz. Yeah, right, whatever.
As Miss Sally fondles the buttocks of a female associate on her new fitness show, Ryan leads the old man to his pod, where they'll be roommates. Ryan doesn't hold the door open for Meade, because he's got no manners. Purse-lipped and stark white, Meade starts on about an O'Reily family in his old parish, Saint Teresa Of Old-Fashioned Protesting Whup-Ass. Ryan cuts him off with the assertion that he's got no use for a priest. Wise Old Irish Priest Meade goes, "Duly noted." Will the salty man of God break down Ryan's wall of isolation and lead him to Jesus? Or will Ryan kill him? Stay tuned!
Cyril and his blond fall suit up for court. As he's escorted down the hall, Betty Buckley tells Ryan that she'll be sitting behind Cyril every day and assures him that Cyril won't get the death penalty, but Ryan's eyes look cold and hard, like a beautiful and expensive gem. Cyril shows up; Ryan kisses him, Betty Buckley holds up the new suit she bought, and Katherine, mercifully re-coiffed, bustles around officiously. More brotherly assurance as Cyril, as they say, faces his day in court.