Episode Report Card Chuck: B- | 3 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Song, Song...Ewww
By Chuck | Season 5 | Episode 6 | Aired on 02.09.2002
In the land of scary brown people, Robson learns that he needs gum surgery and decides to act like a dick to the guy who'll likely be giving it to him, which seems real bright to me. He can either have tissue from the roof of his mouth grafted on to his gums, which hurts like hell, or he can have gum tissue from a cadaver. Robson doesn't want the pain, but isn't sure about a dead person's gum tissue, and tries to intimidate by using the word "fuck" a lot. Dr. Feradj explains that dead gums equals organ donation, and gets points for dressing down Robson, saying, "Your own fucking tissue would require a longer and more painful period of fucking recovery. In the end, your fucking gums would be healthy either fucking way." Ha. Robson keeps at it, however, invoking some really well-chosen racial epithets, whining about needles, and demanding that Dr. Feradj wear two pair of gloves. Feradj replies, "Yes, sahib," and rips Robson's x-rays off the wall before retreating to his lair to mastermind yet another evil oral fate.
Mulling his options with Schillinger, Robson, particularly sassy this week, hints that he's leaning toward the gums of death. Robson tries the "organ donation" argument on Schillinger, who gets queasy and uninterested as Robson describes the procedure, which solidifies his decision to plumb the morgue for a healthy mouth.
So he immediately gets the gas -- laughing like a schoolgirl, gums a-bleedin,' Robson tells Feradj that he should be selling the stuff. "They may have tits," he says of the prison's drug crowd, "but you've got pussy." After making a Nazis/gas joke, Feradj takes a massive needle to Robson's mouth and begins explaining various "Why Hitler Hated Jews" theories that involve Hitler's psychology and descent (and potentially impure blood), while holding a scalpel in Robson's mouth. Then he mentions that the gums are always of unknown origin and that they might -- gasp -- "come from a kike, or a spic, or even a faggot. I mean, you could be getting the beautiful gums of a big, black nigger." Robson squirms, and I want to high-five Dr. Feradj.
Hoyt's singing a song I don't recognize either, about free will, which I'm sure will lead to indignation over my musical knowledge. He's doing some upside down pull-ups, air boxing, tough-guy emoting.
Alvarez and Penders arrive for dog lessons; Penders shows Ms. Dog that he trained his charge to fetch, which pisses her off, since the men were expressly ordered not to teach the dogs any "recreational activities." Nice one, dipshit. After commanding the men to wander aimlessly, Ms. Dog instructs a guard to fire a shot, which scares the bejesus out of Alvarez, Penders, and the dogs. Ms. Dog scares me -- she's got that no-nonsense-black-lady character down to a science, and she don't give a rat's ass about how the boys feel because she's in it for the dogs. And the dogs need to learn about control and retaining focus. At all times. Penders and Alvarez make some cheesy remarks; Ms. Dog ups the ante by explaining that the way to teach this lesson is "by standing on his leash and saying 'chill.'" Chill? That's right, doggie. Take a chill pill and mellow out, baby.