Episode Report Card Omar G: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT House of Buggin'
By Omar G | Season 1 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.22.2001
Stately Luthor Manor. Clark is sitting behind a table covered in miniature soldiers. Lex walks in and says, "Save any lives on your way over?" Cheekbones gives us the biggest, most radiant smile I've seen since this show started. Lex made him blush! "You keep it up, and you can make a career out of it," Lex tells him. 'Bones stands up and shakes hands and says he just came to bring the produce over. Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Cheekbones says he's sorry his parents gave Lex a hard time about it. About what? The produce? What scene was this? Lex says he would have arm-wrestled them for it if push came to shove. If what? Who in the where? I want to see that deleted scene! 'Bones moons over Lex's toy soldier set. Lex says his dad (the wonderful John Glover, who I hope we see next week) gave him the set when he was nine for strategery purposes. "My father equates business with war," Lex says. Him and Tony Soprano. Lex points out that the Battle of Troy began when two men were in love with the same woman: "Kind of like you and the quarterback." 'Bones plays it off, but Lex says that there's only been one battle and Clark can still win Lana. "The whole town treats him like a God," 'Bones complains. "Game over." Lex points out that if Cheekbones had let Jocko die in the truck, his problems would be solved. They exchange a meaningful look. "I'm kidding, of course," Lex says. Yes. Of course. Lex then makes me giggle like a little girl when he says, "Don't worry. I've got your Trojan Horse." So, so glad he said "horse." Lex whips out the black box containing the necklace, and opens it. Cheekbones looks nauseous. "Clark, you okay?" Lex asks. We hear whooshing sounds until Lex closes the box, after staring at Cheekbones for what seems like hours. "That's, uh, a cool box," 'Bones stammers. "What's it made of?" Lex says it's a lead box his mom bought in a casbah in Morocco. Did she rock the Casbah, too? Lex says it was made from the armor of St. George, the patron saint of the Boy Scouts. Okay, hold on. Boy Scouts, love triangles, Trojan Horses, horse gaits, skinny dipping? Could this show be any more sexual without actually having sex in it? Lex says he was given the box before his mom died. He offers it to Cheekbones. "I can't take that," 'Bones says, and walks away really fast, at least for a human. Lex tells 'Bones to give Lana the necklace and explain what happened. "That necklace gives you the power, Clark," Lex says. How positively wicked. Cheekbones holds the box in his hands, but not before Lex gives him one last smoldering look.
Jocko's locker. Lana sneaks up next to him and asks where he was before the last big game. His "cuts and bruises" have been reduced to one tiny red gash on his cheek. "Can we talk about this later?" Jocko asks. Lana catches him in a lie and asks about Clark. "Lana, it was just a prank," he says. She asks for her necklace back. He says he lost it. "Were you planning on telling me? Or was that a prank, too?" she asks, and walks off in a huff. As Lana hits the stairs, we hear insect chittering, and here's Bug Boy, wearing all black. He tells Lana he's been waiting for an hour to go over his English paper. He still had time to write an English paper between feeding on his mother and getting ready to molt? I guess in high school, you really gotta stay on top of your extracurriculars. Lana says that something important came up, and starts to walk away. Bug Boy grabs her arm and asks whether she's blowing him off for her boyfriend. "I need to see Clark," she tells him. Oh great. Get him involved. "Is he more important than me?" Bug Boy says. Insects get very jealous. Especially the ones that go to high school. Lana says she has to go, and leaves Bug Boy at the top of the stairs, looking very much like a larva in the lurch.