Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gateau Get Through This
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.16.2012
Meanwhile, Deena and her trick Joey engage in a little dance floor foreplay before the gang decides to head home. They arrive back at the Shore House and head to the patio for a precoital smoke. Pauly takes the opportunity to prank Deena by putting every dirty dish in the house on her bed, plus the blender and a tub of muscle powder. It's not as good as the chair prank from Season 3, but I'll take it. Honestly, it's not as much crap as I would think. Most ridiculously, though, Deena heads into her bedroom and grabs several items off the comforter before noticing that there is a blender on there. How filthy must you be not to notice when there is a plate of three-day-old mac 'n' cheese on your bed?
Seriously. For a change, Deena immediately points to Pauly as the perp, but he does a good enough job proclaiming his innocence (not to mention the fact that Deena is slurring-drunk) that she questions her instincts and starts to apologize for accusing him. As she turns and walks out, Pauly shoots up and lets out a cartoonish silent laugh, then flops back down and covers his face with his blanket. He is literally kicking his feet with uncontrollable pleasure at his masterful feat of juvenile trickery. He really is a six-year-old child in the body of a 31-year-old meathead.
Deena excuses herself to tidy up and spray herself 379 times with eau de toilet (they don't show that second part, but you know it happened). Meanwhile, Snooki booze-shouts at Joey, "Who's this guy?" JWOWW reminds her that it's "Deena's man -- the one she likes." Snooki blurts excitedly, "Oh! You're here! Wooooo!" She interviews, "I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm not thinking, I'm just talking." That statement basically applies to 101 percent of Snooki's life. She threatens to kill Joey if he doesn't treat Deena right, then makes a big, sloppy production of getting a condom for him. Bless his heart, he's a really good sport about it. But a man has his limits, and he heads to Deena's food-soiled bed around the time Snooki and JWOWW start previewing Deena's sex noises (mostly merps, if you're wondering).
Deena heads to the bed and talks up her chastity ("I don't do sex with randoms") as Snooki wonders if they can go in and watch yet. JWOWW: "Give it five minutes 'cause it just got awkward." So the porn music begins as Snooki cures her boredom by waddling into the bedroom to stand in the corner like that girl from The Ring and watch Deena have sex. To the steady creak of the mattress springs, she decides to add her own soundtrack, making heaving noises. Joey looks out into the darkness warily as Snooki's all, "JK, I love you!" She plops into her bed as Deena pulls Joey back into her. And that, friends, will be the opening chapter of my forthcoming soft-core beach novel Meatball Midnight. (Truthfully, though, the sex couldn't have been that great because, when Joey removes the sheet, he's still wearing his boxers. Or is that how the kids are doing it these days?)