Episode Report Card Lady Lola: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Gateau Get Through This
By Lady Lola | Season 5 | Episode 7 | Aired on 02.16.2012
Bonus: Sammi throws a water balloon at the kids while they eat dinner. Ronnie gets soaked. He rises and walks away, just like Mr. Darcy emerging from the lake at Pemberley... only ape-ier.
The next morning, Deena basks in the after-smush glow, and Sammi admits, "You can fall in love at the Jersey Shore. You never know what'll happen." Well, for starters, your glasses will probably get broken. And your spirit. It's not all unabated bliss, though. Deena has a backache, and she doesn't know if it's from gorilla banging or Jersey Turnpiking. Meatball problems! Vinny offers to stretch her out but must retreat when her little Meatball feet prove too stinky to be near.
A bit later, Sitch calls Unit to let him know Operation: Jump Jionni is still on. He puts it ever so delicately: "I feel bad that every time he's kissing his girl, he's kissing my [Li'l Sitch]."
That night, JWOWW prepares for her first post-makeup date with Roger by putting on not just the sluttiest dress I've ever seen her wear, but perhaps the sluttiest dress in all of creation. The creator of Filthy Couture has outdone herself! JWOWW explains, "I am wearing this out tonight to show Roger there are two big reasons why he stay with me." (Refer to previous "tittylicious" comment.) Snooki: "That's the JWOWW that we love." Truly, I feel like even Frederick's of Hollywood would look at that dress and be, like, "Nah, too whorish." Basically, take Morticia Addams, remove 30 yards of fabric, shape the remainder into Vivian's hooker dress from Pretty Woman, remove another 15 yards of excess fabric, strategically add some Flava Flav chains, then stretch the scraps of fabric that haven't relented over two mammoth flesh boulders. If you don't have a strong visual in your head yet, I'll point to this image.
Roger arrives, completely unaware of what surprise awaits him. As JWOWW opens the door, he tells her succinctly, "I like the outfit -- or lack thereof," and the duck phone quacks in hearty approval. JWOWW says all the fighting was worth it. Roger keeps rolling with the punches, asking, "What'd you make that out of, a handkerchief." JWOWW deadpans, "And some thread." She can tell her man is SAT-ISS-FIED, though she does worry he might have to defend her (*violent cough*) "honor" because of this sartorial selection. Okay, maybe not so much "worry" as breathlessly await.