Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The one where everybody died
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.11.2002
The time is 10:23:15 AM. The Phone Company Van with the Junkyard Gang inside pulls up to CTU. BlackPhoneCompanyGuy is at the wheel, and tells the security guard that he's there to do a systems check. The guard fails to notice the gun aimed at BPCG's head and lets him through the gate. Security checks the back of the van with a flashlight, finds the Junkyard Gang inside with their phone company disguises on, and remarks that there are a lot of people in this crew. Eddie Grant replies that they're on a "big job." Without checking anyone's ID, the security guy lets everyone into the building. Lots of viewers have complained about this scene -- specifically, that CTU security would never be so lax. I have to disagree and say that the opposite is true. I have been freelancing for a couple of months now in a high-profile Manhattan building that made worldwide news last year when it tested positive for anthrax. When I arrived for my first day of work, I was warned that security would be tight and that I should bring ID and be prepared to have my bags checked. I forgot my ID. They let me in anyway. At the elevators where they were supposed to check my bags, they made me unzip my H&M messenger bag and they peered inside for a second and a half. I was also carrying a bagel in a brown paper bag, and they didn't even notice. I could have had a grenade in there. Okay, maybe I'm being let in without much trouble because I don't "look" Middle Eastern, but I haven't seen a single person of any ethnicity searched for more than a moment or two. I know it's probably different for a government agency, but I doubt it's that different. Basically, if someone really wants to bomb a building -- any building -- I think it's entirely possible. I'm moving to New Zealand. Who's with me? As BlackPhoneCompanyGuy drives through the parking garage, he points out that this is a government building, not a bank. "There's nothing to steal here," he says. Eddie explains that they're not there to steal. "We're fighting a war. We're taking back our country," says Eddie. "Who are you people?" asks BlackPhoneCompanyGuy. "We're patriots," says Kiefer. The time is 10:25:50 AM.
The time is 10:30:14 AM. Klockwise from the top left, caterers and workmen prepare for the wedding at Chez Crew, Spawn and JonBenet reenact the final scene of Midnight Cowboy on that bus to Florida, and Darlene encrypts stuff up in Ye Olde Kiefer Kube. PoorMan'sCateBlanchett is poring over the guest list in the backyard of Chez Crew when PoorMan'sReneeZellweger enters in a pair of cargo capris and hands her the phone. "It's someone named Ralph Burton," says PoorMan'sReneeZellweger. And just when you think PoorMan'sReneeZellweger's suspicious glance is due to the fact that she realizes that Ralph Burton is the private detective PoorMan'sCateBlanchett hired to check out FarsiBoy, PoorMan'sReneeZellweger starts teasing PoorMan'sCateBlanchett about her "new boyfriend." Cate plays along with that, then takes the call inside. Ralph has some bad news; FarsiBoy has terrorist ties to Syed Ali. Homeland Security has been alerted. "Are they going to arrest him?" asks Cate. Ralph doesn't know. He tells her not to tell a soul, not even her sister. Otherwise, she'd be endangering herself and her family. Through the window, Cate can see that FarsiBoy's friend -- also Middle Eastern -- has arrived from Detroit. FarsiBoy greets him, and they embrace in the driveway. Butt cam! All this paranoia-inducing flute and wood chimes music fills the soundtrack, and the camera movements get all jerky. FarsiBoy and PoorMan'sReneeZellweger enter, wanting to introduce Cate to FriendOfFarsiBoy. "You'll probably recognize him from Stanford," says FarsiBoy. "He's really cute!" says PoorMan'sReneeZellweger. Cate begs off, but FarsiBoy and Renee insist. "I said no," shrieks Cate, a little more aggressively than she meant to, and runs into a bedroom. Renee enters and asks Cate what's up her ass this morning. Cate passes it off as sisterly concern. "I just want you to be happy!" says Cate. "Then be happy!" says Renee. "Because this is going to be the best day of my life."