Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The one where everybody died
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.11.2002
As promised, a phone company van from Cal Communication pulls up to the chain link fence to investigate the signal interference. A pair of phone company workers steps out of the van to investigate, and they notice that the chain has been cut. The Tim McVan pulls up. Eddie Grant steps out and shoots the Caucasian phone company guy in cold blood. Kiefer tries to hide how disturbed he is by this. Oh, Kief, like you didn't just do the same thing an hour ago. Eddie tells the surviving (black) phone company guy that he'll live as long as he cooperates with the Junkyard Gang. BlackPhoneCompanyGuy watches SpindlyBeckLookAlike dump CaucasianPhoneCompanyGuy's body into a ravine, and indicates that he's cool with that. Eddie tells him to call his supervisor and tell him that they need to do an onsite systems check at CTU. Jeez, who has the shorter life expectancy in the 24verse -- a black person, or a phone company worker? The time is 10:12:33 AM.
The time is 10:16:49 AM. Klockwise from the top left, Soul Patch walks the CTU catwalk, the Junkyard Gang gets back into the Tim McVan with BlackPhoneCompanyGuy, and Spawn hurries JonBenet along toward the bus stop. Nina 2.0 slithers up to Soul Patch and announces a phone call from Raygun at NSA. Soul Patch takes the call. Raygun doesn't warn him about that his office is about to blow up, but instead tells him to copy and transfer the CTU database onto the NSA server. The ever-suspicious Soul Patch asks why. "It's prekautionary," says Raygun, insisting that Soul Patch carry this out by the end of the episode…I mean, "by eleven." "That might not be enough time," says Soul Patch. "Then you probably should get started," says Raygun. Soul Patch hangs up and puts Darlene on the job. Darlene rambles on for a few minutes about how she has to encrypt it first in Mason's office or something. Soul Patch tells her to "just do it." Nina 2.0 wonders aloud what's going on with the phone lines going down and this urgent-but-routine request from NSA. "It's precautionary," says Soul Patch. "Then he would have issued the same order to every other agency," says Nina 2.0. Soul Patch has to go check to see if that's the case.
Meanwhile, Mason pulls the Xandermobile up to a parking lot. A team of LAPD officers are waiting for him. One of the officers explains that they made a "vehicle match" based on the alert that CTU put out that morning. They haven't searched said vehicle yet, because they had orders from CTU to wait for Mason. "Don't worry," says Mason dryly. "I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here." For some reason, this "vehicle" is, in fact, a warehouse. Or at least that's what Mason and the police force open. Who knows, maybe there's a vehicle inside, or maybe the warehouse is really a massive Winnebago. Nevertheless, I don't get it. The lock is cut off the door. Mason and the police enter with guns drawn. It's dark inside, and scary industrial ambient music is playing on the soundtrack. They make their way through piles of Staples merchandise and come upon the very Whitney Biennial art installation where Wald's men were putting together the nuclear device earlier. Despite several stickers that say "Danger, Radioactive Materials" -- like, what terrorist group would actually follow U.S. government regulations and put up those stickers while making a nuclear device? -- Mason opens the door to the makeshift labs and finds two dead bodies inside. Behind them, someone emerges from the darkness and starts shooting. Several officers go down. Mason shoots back. The flying bullets shatter the protective glass around an isolation tank that starts to emit scary-looking green smoke. The police shoot the shooter. Mason, who is inside the makeshift laboratory, finally notices the radioactive warning signs. He orders everyone out of the building and starts coughing into a hanky. Uh oh.
Meanwhile, Spawn and JonBenet have caught the bus to CTU. JonBenet asks Spawn if Spawn's mom "cries a lot." Spawn replies that she doesn't have a mom. "Where is she?" asks JonBenet. Spawn thinks really hard before answering. I mean, in reality, she's trying to think of the best way to sugarcoat Bride's death for her young charge, but because it's Spawn, it looks like she just plum forgot what happened to her own mother. Finally, Spawn replies that her mother "passed away." The subject is switched to Spawn's dad. "Do you make him mad?" asks JonBenet. Spawn says that she does sometimes. "I always make my dad mad," says JonBenet. Spawn tries to explain to JonBenet that DaddyStopTouchingMe's anger is his own problem and has nothing to do with JonBenet. "Everything is going to be okay," says Spawn, putting her arm around JonBenet protectively. "I'm never going to let him hurt you again."