Episode Report Card 4 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT A Horse! A Horse! My Boredom For A Horse!
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.28.2003
Quantum was right -- it was ridiculously easy (and boring) for the Away Thream to get inside the complex undetected. They walk around, examine things, and take readings. I repeatedly slam my hand in the new microwave in an effort to stay awake. Reed stumbles upon a radiolytic compound in a cylindrical canister, the like of which they've never seen before. He notes that there are several hundred kilograms of the stuff in the room. There's a noise, and Reed puts the canister down (not where he found it, of course), and the Away Thream hide. Three Monkey Boys walk in and discuss their work. They are getting a shipment of kimosabe ready, but are perturbed by the requirement for such a large amount in so short a period of time. Something about the white hair/fur on these Monkey Boys reminds me of the Mugato in TOS' "A Private Little War," so from now on I'm going to call the Head Monkey Boy "Mr. Mugato." As in "domo arigato, Mr. Mugato!" I have got to stop watching these wallowing-in-my-Ogilvied-childhood specials on VH-1. Mr. Mugato impresses upon his underlings how very important this shipment of kimosabe is to their colony. The underlings scamper off to complete their jobs, and Mr. Mugato notices the canister that Reed misplaced. He pauses and looks around a bit before putting it back where it belongs. Mr. Mugato leaves.
Number Nine: Engaging my stuffed animals, one by one, in a staring contest.
A canister arrives on the Enterprise transporter pad (can they transport stuff remotely now?), and T'Pol confirms its receipt to Quantum, who orders an analysis. Back in the woods, Reed and Uh-Oh Hayes talk up the idea of blowing the whole facility to kingdom come. Quantum vetoes that idea as being only a minor twig in the Xindi's Weapons of Ass Destruction path. He wants to know what the kimosabe is for and where it is going. And then he'll set the oil on fire and allow his troops to pillage the local museums for their rare and irreplaceable antiquities, but pretend it's the exact same vase coming out the museum door seventy hundred times.
Mr. Mugato punches out at the weapons plant and commutes home. He walks inside his domed (they're always domed, aren't they?) hut and pours himself a drink. Hey, can I get one of those? Thanks, dude. He stupidly left his front door open, which allows the Away Thream to ambush him. Poor guy, now he gets to be bored to death too. After his Thream has secured the room, Quantum paces in -- all dramatic-like -- stops, positions his feet a comfortable distance apart, and says, "I have some questions for you. Do you use mousse or molding paste in your beard?" Sigh. If only. You know, the one thing that ever cheers me up is cracking on Quantum. Let's give it a go: They do say, Quantum, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are of course wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this barbeque fork in your head. There! I feel a little bit better.
That iPod commercial really makes me want to dance around my living room. I'm not kidding. It really does. Maybe it's because I have an iPod. Or MAYBE it's because I'm expecting a brand-new computer from Apple in a few days to pay me back for all my patience and suffering! Not only will it be new, but it might be an iBook 900 instead of the design-flawed 800! I still think they're evil, though.