Episode Report Card 4 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT A Horse! A Horse! My Boredom For A Horse!
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.28.2003
Quantum comms T'Pol to ask what the status of the Xindi ship is. May-phantom tells him that it broke orbit five minutes ago. Hoshi confirms they're picking up the tracking signal loud and clear.
Number Two: Making an Americandy quilt out of snack-size Almond Joy wrappers, but only after weaving the sewing thread out of discarded snack size Reese's Peanut Butter Cups foil.
Hut. Quantum joins Mr. Mugato for a drink. See how this has come full circle? In the beginning, Quantum wanted to kill Mr. Mugato and wouldn't drink with him. Now, Mr. Mugato has helped him and he's joining him in some alien grog. I AM SO FUCKING BORED!! I can't even sit still any more. Every five minutes I've had to get up and stomp all over the apartment because I can't handle this dying-by-inches show. I'm sure our neighbors are dismissing it as another earthquake. Heh -- Earthquake Keckler. Wait, they don't name earthquakes, do they? That's boring. Everything's boring. I want to kill myself now.
Quantum wonders if there's something wrong with Mr. Mugato, because their close relationship has let Quantum in on all of Mr. Mugato's changing moods. Mr. Mugato says he may have just betrayed his people to a "ruthless alien species." Quantum assures him that he hasn't. They clink metal cups and drink. Quantum decides that, as it's too late to do anything about it, this is the right time to worry that Mr. Man will realize that Mr. Mugato sabotaged their kimosabe and come back. Mr. Mugato tells him not to worry about it and to be more concerned about finding the weapon. Quantum says, "Their ship entered an energy portal after it left orbit. We lost our tracking signal." Well, that was fucking pointless, then! Mr. Mugato tells him that the energy portal's range is only a few light years. So it's like an outerspace overpass? You know what really sucks the most about this episode? I can't even drink my boredom away, because it just makes me even more tired. DAMN YOU, ENTERPRISE, FOR TAKING THE JOY OUT OF MY PUMPKIN ALE BINGE! I know I'm making it seem like using all caps is the first-class ticket out of Dull City, Dullaware, but it's really not. But the drinking thing? That's sacrilege, and Enterprise should be excommunicated, burned at the stake, and inquisitioned for it. But not necessarily in that order, because it really wouldn't be the most effective progression, would it? Quantum says he has to go back to his ship, and Mr. Mugato begs him to take away the fortune cookie slip that his experience with these particular Xindi proves not all Xindi are bloodthirsty warmongers. Which, in itself, is boring. Quantum agrees -- with Mr. Mugato, not with me -- and leaves.