Episode Report Card 4 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT A Horse! A Horse! My Boredom For A Horse!
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 7 | Aired on 10.28.2003
Mr. Mugato goes on to say that there was a sixth species -- see, the Paramecium! -- called the "Avians." Did they drink Avian Water? What? Oh, come on -- I am so unbelievably BORED by this sixty minutes of my life I'll never get back that I am looking hard for the little things that might, just MIGHT, make things a bit more interesting. The Avians have been gone "since the war." "Gone?" Quantum asks, as I ask, "War?" which is clearly the more interesting question. But how can you expect a bore like Quantum to know the difference? Mr. Mugato explains that "gone" means "extinct." Like the passenger pigeon. Remember that episode of The Bloodhound Gang where the whole case hinged on a slip-up about the extinction of passenger pigeons? Yeah, me neither. The Evil Dr. Mathra does, though, and spent a full twenty minutes trying to tell me that I remembered it too. I just played along. Mr. Mugato says that as far as he's been told -- which either means he wasn't alive when their homeworld was destroyed, or he was out of the galaxy at the time -- none of the Avians fled before the planetary destruction. Quantum reminds us that they found some debris, and asks how it all happened. Mr. Mugato says the war raged for one hundred years -- the debris scanned was one hundred twenty years old, FYI -- people changed sides, stuff happened, the Xindi market fell, Scarlett didn't marry Ashley, and in the end no one could really remember what started it. "But everyone remembered what ended it," Mr. Mugato says. Snake Eyes and Bug Eyes detonated massive explosions in unstable seismic fissures, which destroyed the whole planet. Dammit -- that blows my vastly engaging theory of Enterprise stumbling on the pulverized planet in an alternate time-frame from the Xindi Round Table all to hell. This show is where good ideas go to die a horribly slow and painful death. As I am doing now. Mr. Mugato would like to think they didn't realize how devastating it would all be. How could they not? Mr. Mugato says it was a "last desperate act." Hold on -- though it may have been "last," it certainly doesn't sound desperate. It sounds calculated. Especially if it wiped out an entire species.
And why did that happen, by the way? Could they not get on spaceships with other species? Could they not just fly away? Something must have been done to transport the Aquamen off the planet, which, as we know from Star Trek: The Voyage Home, is no easy task, so why not the Birdmen of Xinditraz? Mr. Mugato laments their loss, but says that the descendents of the five species that escaped are scattered across the Expanse. Uh-Oh Hayes summons Quantum from the hut, and Quantum leaves without seeing the need for Mr. Mugato to be guarded. Uh-Oh Hayes reports that his blast suppressors are in place and there is increased activity around the facility. T'Pol comms that an approaching vessel has a hull matching that of the Psycho Bocce Ball. "Reptilians," Quantum says, because there hasn't been enough of the Exposition Transporter Beam in this episode yet. Not. Are we halfway through this water torture yet? Drip, drip, drip, drip. Let me ask you this: Why does that remind me of Quantum?