Episode Report Card Kim: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Napoleon's Boney Parts
By Kim | Season 3 | Episode 2 | Aired on 07.20.1999
Sister Pete goes to see Father Ray, who quickly hides a sandwich under his robes. Sister Pete totally busts him, but he won't talk about it. Sister Pete follows him and tries to figure out where he's taking the sandwich. She finally realizes that Ray's bringing food to Alvarez, because the hacks are starving him since he injured one of their own. Ray neither confirms nor denies it, but says that Alvarez gave him the information. Sister Pete suggests that Alvarez could be lying, but Ray says he has to believe him.
Claire lets Ray into Alvarez's cell. Ray quickly tries to give Alvarez the sandwich, but he won't take it. Instead, Alvarez jumps on Ray, causing Claire to come in and subdue him. Excuse me. Please replace "subdue" in that sentence with "beat the crap out of." Thanks. Ray tries to get the hacks to stop, to no avail.
At the staff meeting, Gloria says that Keller will live, and McManus points out that Schillinger is the lead suspect in Keller's attack. Leo tells him to get proof. Sister Pete wants them to deal with the ongoing violence between inmates, and between inmates and hacks; she proposes a program where victims and attackers interact and talk about their feelings in order to move on. Father Ray supports it. In solitary, Alvarez has a vision of a beautiful naked woman, but then Claire pops up. Hey, that would be enough to send me over the edge. In Leo's office, Father Ray proposes that Alvarez and Rivera be the first in the program. Leo brings up the attack today, and says that he agrees with the hacks that Alvarez should rot for blinding Rivera. Father Ray says that Alvarez is on the brink of suicide, and Leo, like Gloria's boss earlier, doesn't care. Father Ray argues that Leo is biased, because Alvarez knows who raped Leo's daughter and won't tell.
As we see Alvarez in solitary, Hill voice-overs that when Napoleon died in exile, doctors cut off his penis, put it in an ornate box and gave it to his priest. Alvarez rips up a shirt and fashions a noose. Hill says that over the years, the penis was sold to the highest bidder, and now at least three people claim to own it. Fantasy Hill prepares to put Fantasy Alvarez's head in a guillotine. Hill says that the question isn't which penis is real. The question is, "Who the fuck do those other two dicks belong to?" As Fantasy Hill finishes, the blade comes down for Fantasy Alvarez, and we see the dangling feet of real Alvarez as he hangs himself.