Episode Report Card Deborah: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Law And Order: Special Virgins Unit
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 19 | Aired on 03.31.2005
Joan comes into the kitchen for breakfast, grabbing a box out of the cupboard. Will says, "Pop-Tarts? Not exactly brain food. Let me make you some eggs." Joan: "No time. I have to be in court this afternoon. Oh, that sounds so cool, doesn't it?" Will: "As long as it's not juvie." Joan: "No. Mock Trial. Jack is going down." Will comments that it's tough going up against the claim of self-defense. They argue the case a bit, and Joan says, "Jack's family is starving so he trades their only cow in for five crummy beans? Give me a break." Will: "Stupidity's not a crime." Frink and me in perfect unison: "It should be." Joan: "Maybe he's not stupid. Maybe he knows those beans will take him to the giant's magic castle." Will: "You're arguing it was premeditated?" Joan: "If he was starving, why didn't he harvest the beans? I mean, why did he have to climb the stalk instead?" Will: "Textbook breaking and entering." Joan: "Exactly. He takes what he wants, kills the giant, pleads self-defense. Sweet young Jack is a stone cold killer." Will beams: "Nice job, counsellor." Joan advises him, "You can't take anything at face value. There's always something else going on. That's Mock Trial handout 3F. Bye, Dad." The camera lingers on Will so we can see the gears grinding in his head about his perp in the Hoyt case.
Adam and Joan are entering the classroom where the Mock Trial will take place. He tells her, "So I called Spumoni and they don't take reservations, but, I, uh, told the guy in the back that I'd pay him ten bucks if he didn't bus the corner table for us." Joan kids that that will cost more than the whole dinner. She waves at Glynis, who's sitting there rehearsing…something. Adam says he wants to remember it exactly how it was: "…like we were." Grace comes in as Joan's giving him a hug, and says, "Stop fraternizing with the enemy, Rove." Joan: "I hope you're ready. Because the prosecution is locked and loaded." Grace: "You don't know the real Jack. Save it for the trial." Luke comes in with another legal precedent for the defense: "If other fairy tales are admissible." Joan says to Adam, "Good luck, dead man!" She kisses him and sits down at her table, when suddenly Red-headed God comes up with her ID badge, which reads, "Prosecuting Attorney." Joan: "I don't even get a name?" He fastens it to her sweater, saying, "You know who you are. Please hang onto that." I completely missed that line the first time around, but now it seems like ominously good advice.
She reads his ID badge, which says "Bailiff." Joan comments, "Bailiff God. I figured you would be the judge or something." I guess I should call this avatar Bailiff God now. It's shorter than "Red-headed God." He claims to prefer to stick to the sidelines and maintain a sense of order. Joan says that if she's supposed to pull her punches for Grace's sake, he'd better tell her now: "Otherwise, she's going down." Bailiff God tells her, "I would never ask you to compromise what you believe to be right." Joan: "Sounds like there's a 'but' in there." Bailiff God: "These proceedings are about justice. You know, it's a powerful force. It has the power to reveal the true nature of things…as well as the value of innocence." No offense, God, but you're boring me senseless. Could you at least be a little more ineffable than Mock Trial handout 3F? Joan: "But he's guilty, right?" Before Bailiff God can answer, Mr. Harbison comes in, accompanied by a distinguished-looking woman. Bailiff God announces, "Hear ye, hear ye: Mock Trial is now in session." Mr. Harbison welcomes the woman with him as a "real superior court judge, the Honourable Patricia Claymore." There's weak applause as it's announced that she'll be presiding over the proceedings.