Episode Report Card Deborah: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Law And Order: Special Virgins Unit
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 19 | Aired on 03.31.2005
Lily's at a crowded counter in a coffee shop. The customer beside her is a cute guy in a toque. Normally, I might not notice, but now I'm in the market for a replacement. Anyway, he takes off as Helen arrives in her bright red coat (not that one) and Lily remarks on her surprise that Helen showed up at all: "I never thought I'd see you again." So either Kevin's keeping her a state secret, or they're not dating anymore. Could be either. Helen says she needed some time to think things over, and orders some green tea. Lily smirks: "So, uh…God's looking good to you again?" Helen smiles: "It's not that. I just have things to deal with at home…you know that." Lily: "So you just needed some time away from the Ever-Present One. How'd that go?" Hee. Can we just have a show with Lily and Grace? Just about everyone else makes me want to scream at this point. Helen wonders, "Is all the gloating really necessary?" Lily replies, "No. Just one of the perks. You know, teaching the catechism can get a little dull." The Pope died the day after she said that, by the way. I'm just saying. They move to a table and establish that they were working on the sacrament of Confession when Helen took a powder. Frink's suddenly all excited to see Armin Shimerman's name on the credits, because he was in Star Trek or something. Lily laughs: "The sacrament of reconciliation, conversion, repentance…" Helen: "Whoa…first day back and already I'm feeling like a bad person." Helen only seems to be able to deal with religion so long as it allows her to feel like a "good person." That seems really stunted and foolish to me. Lily says it's not about feeling bad: "Confession is a sacrament that's used to celebrate God's limitless capacity to forgive. He knew we'd feel guilty all the time, so he gave us a way to deal with it." Helen thinks that's beautiful. Lily uses that as a segue: "And, um, in the spirit of confession, I should probably tell you that Kevin and I are dating. He's been too freaked out to tell you." That is definitely news to Helen. Man, she seems really short of mother's intuition sometimes. Helen: "Oh." Lily tries to get back to the catechism, but Helen's kind of gaping at her and Lily asks, "Is this weird for you? This is weird for you." Aw, Helen, just think how cute your grandkids are gonna be. Helen totally lies through her smiling teeth, saying it's not, and claiming it's terrific. Lily uncharacteristically gushes: "Because he -- he's so cute…and sensitive…and he listens…" "Sensitive"? "He listens"? Which Kevin Girardi are we talking about here? Helen tries to cut off that avenue of discussion and suggests they get back to the catechism. Lily: "Well, I'm not gonna tell you any details, if that's what you mean." She chuckles, but Helen just hides her disapproving expression behind a giant mug of tea.
Joan wanders into the Mock Trial Club room and sits down in front of Glynis and next to Grace, who says, "Shut up…why are you here?" Joan says, "Well, because we're creatures of conscience…but you…?" Grace: "Victim of the ruling class." The teacher, the aforementioned Armin Shimerman, a total HITG!, announces cheerfully, "Hear ye, hear ye. Mock Trial is now in session. I'm Mr. Harbison, civics teacher and legal enthusiast!" He taps his gavel on his desk for emphasis. Glynis beams, "He even has his own gavel!" I think she might wet herself. Joan mutters, "Oh, this is gonna be ugly." Grace: "If he pulls out one of those wigs, I'm outta here." Mr. Harbison's attention lands on her: "You're…Polk. Miss Hoder sent you because you're failing history." Grace: "Not failing. Refusing to answer questions about our so-called justice system, which everyone knows is a corrupt capitalist farce." He decides she should be the defense attorney. Grace pleads that she just wants to do her time and leave. Joan's smirking like crazy. Mr. Harbison cautions Grace: "Not without a fair trial!" He laughs at his own joke, but doesn't get much love from the peanut gallery. He wanders around the classroom expositing, "Mock Trial was created by the American Bar Association to teach youngsters how the court system works." As he walks around the room, two guys are eating sandwiches. I guess this is a lunchtime thing. Probably relatives of Chewy's. Frink: "Where's that obnoxious yearbook kid? Wouldn't he be in this club?" Harbison informs the club that they're going to try a case based on a fairy tale: Jack and the Beanstalk. Joan's confused; she thinks it's obvious that Jack murdered the giant. Grace takes umbrage: "It was self-defense, dude. The giant was trying to eat him." Joan sneers, "Jack broke in and stole stuff. That's…breaking and entering and murder one." Aw, Pops would be so proud. Mr. Harbison asks if he's hearing the sound of a prosecutor. Joan apologizes and says her dad's a cop. But the teacher's mind is made up: Joan and Grace are opposing counsel, and he hands them pamphlets called "A Basic Approach to Law." Joan says she really doesn't want to, but he just welcomes her to Mock Trial and bangs his little gavel again.