Episode Report Card Deborah: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Law And Order: Special Virgins Unit
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 19 | Aired on 03.31.2005
The camera drifts along to…Bonnie? In her bra, with her back to the camera, pulling her shirt on. A naked, hairless male torso walks past her, pulling his shirt on as he does. Feel sick yet? She says, "You don't have to go." She looks gloomy and kind of needy, but then, she always does. She adds, "My parents won't be home for a long time." She sits down on the couch next to him, and then arranges herself so she's lying in his lap. The camera still doesn't show us his face. But you recognize the necklace, don't you? Frink's incredulous: "Dude..." Bonnie says, "I think it'd be nice sometime to talk." Talk ain't what he's here for, girlie. He's got a girlfriend who'll talk until they're both blue in the face for that. The camera pulls out as Adam says softly, "You know about Joan." Note that he's not touching her at all, anywhere that he can help it -- both his arms are spread wide. Charming. He adds, "I didn't lie about anything, okay?" Well, maybe not to Bonnie. He starts to get up and she quickly moves so he can. As he grabs his bag, she claims, "Yeah, I know. It's cool." Clearly. He walks out without another word.
Out in the hall, Adam leans against the wall and grinds his forehead into it a bit, as his conscience writhes. I hope you at least had the sense to have safe sex, you…you…So-Not-My-Boyfriend-Anymore Guy That I Barely Recognize.
Frink and I spend the commercial break staring at each other, trying to will our eyebrows to return to their natural resting places. Frink asks me if I think it's the first time he's done it. Me: "No way. Didn't you hear the wistful way she said, 'It'd be nice sometime to talk'? No way is that their first time." Frink gets distracted by a Desperate Housewives commercial: "Oh, Susan. Haven't you learned yet not to date the utility men?"
At school, Adam and Joan are walking along as she bores him senseless, yattering about how "Jack" has to pay for his fairy-tale crimes. Adam tells her, "You and Grace have to get a grip. It's not real." Joan makes a lot of noise about teaching Grace that laws have a purpose. Adam: "Good luck. She's going at this like she's bringing down Enron." I think Grace could kick Kenneth Lay's ass. Joan: "Oh, she's just justifying immoral behaviour because of a past injustice." Isn't that what makes the world go 'round? Wait, that's love. Sorry, my mistake. Joan: "That's a society based on revenge, like before the Magna Carta." Before the Magna Carta? Because we've evolved so much since then. She starts to pull some book out of her bag for reference, when some jerk zooms past her and knocks her a bit. Adam shouts, "Hey, watch it, moron!" Joan's taken aback by his outburst and asks if he's okay. He claims he's fine. Other than being eaten alive by his conscience, which makes a guy a bit moody. Joan bends down to pick up her bag and leaves behind a black gift box, which had gotten knocked out. Of course they both notice it, and Adam bends down to pick it up. He studies the logo on top and then says, "Jane…an airbrush?" Joan's bummed that it's no longer a surprise, but smiles anyway: "Yeah…anniversary present!" Adam opens it slowly as he says he's been saving up for one for months. She says she didn't want to have to watch him "drool in the art supply store anymore." Adam looks slightly pained. She asks, "What's wrong? You look like you're gonna hurl." Adam cites some agreement not to get each other big presents. Joan: "I know, but you've been working so hard, and I wanted you to have it." Heh. I know where she's coming from. Frink's always all, "Let's set a limit on gifts" and I'm all, "Um…okay…" knowing I'll never ever be able to adhere to it, and by now he knows it's hopeless and that my mad rationalization skillz will always overpower his good common sense. She simpers a bit: "Don't I get a hug?" Weakly, Adam says, "Yeah," and pulls her into his arms. She smiles over his shoulder, and he looks troubled as he strokes her hair.
Mrs. Hoyt comes into the police station, where Will and Chewy tell her they've got the guy who killed her daughter. She's never seen him before. He's being arraigned tomorrow. They beat us over the head for a while with her relief that the perp's been caught and how now she can let her other child out of the house. Tears, whatever. Please, God, no police plots in Season Three. If there is a Season Three. Right now, I'm not sure I even care one way or another.