Episode Report Card Demian: F | 214 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT Soul Soporific
By Demian | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 2003.11.02
And speaking of Raige, she's still over in Castle Montanague, waiting to greet Keith when the swirling cloud of glowing golf balls deposits him in Slampiece Buttfuck's study. "I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse," she begins. Keith glares for a beat until the screen flashes white to smack us downstairs to his office. He presents Raige with a contract entitled "Faustian Deal." Oy. Keith conjures a quill, instructing Raige to "sign on the dotted line." Raige refuses to do so until Keith's released Dead Larry. Keith shoots her a tired look and snaps his fingers. Dead Larry flames into the room, quickly figures out what's going on, and starts screaming "Don't!" as Raige emblazons her name on the contract. No, seriously. The letters actually burn themselves into the parchment. Keith rises and dismisses Dead Larry with, "Have a nice afterlife." Dead Larry glows white and slowly ascends through the ceiling. Raige smiles at him as he goes, then suddenly clutches her chest in pain. She collapses to the floor and -- wait for it -- gives up the ghost. Said ghost is clad not in the clothes Raige was wearing when she died, but rather a shapeless, one-shouldered, burlap shift. Which goes against everything we've ever seen regarding the freshly dead on this show, but whatever. Keith picks his way across Raige's corpse, passing through her ghost on his way to lock her contract in the vault. Once he's mojoed the vault shut, he breathes, "It's been a pleasure doing business with you." Raige looks down at her dead body in something meant to approximate dismay before this episode limps into the final commercial break.
Manor. Piper's on the cordless in the main hall, trying to reach Raige but getting nothing more than her voicemail. Phoebe descends the stairs with the news that Raige isn't showing up on the scrying radar, either. Just as they're about to drift into despair, Slampiece Buttfuck arrives to fill them in on Raige's cunning plan. Before he can do that, however, we must arrive at closure for Pointless Subplot Number One. Tiny Gay Chris tosses the evil eye at Buttfuck, who reacts with a mild, "Does he do that a lot?" Piper and Phoebe glance at the brat to discover that he's orbing his eyes around in his head, and it's not nearly as interesting as I just made it sound. The effects editors have simply obscured Tiny Chris's eyes with a bit of sparkling blue digital overlay. Why did anyone bother with this episode? Including me? Sigh. Piper realizes she's not getting laid because the "little runt" is scaring off her dates, and that's it for Pointless Subplot Number One. Buttfuck proceeds to clue the gals in on what Raige expects them to do, and it involves reversing the "To Call A Lost Sister" spell. "It should take you right to her," he states. "To do what?" Piper icily wonders. "To save her," Buttfuck shrugs. Piper strenuously rolls her eyes while Phoebe and Tiny Chris breathe through their mouths.