Episode Report Card Sara M: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Off To A Bad Start
By Sara M | Season 19 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.17.2009
Night falls on Foa Foa. Li'l Russell tells his tribe about how he got stuck in his house during a Hurricane Katrina and when the levy broke his house flooded so fast that he lost his dog somewhere on the first floor. The dumbass girls say "awwww!" in unison. Li'l Russell tells us that that was all bullshit -- he never lived in New Orleans, isn't a fireman, and didn't lose a dog. Dumbass blonde Ashley (job: Spa Sales ... okay) tells us how hard it was for an animal lover like her to hear the tragic tale of Li'l Russell's fake dog. Li'l Russell continues that he was stuck on his roof for two days before he was rescued. He interviews to us that it's amazing how you can break people's hearts with a story that isn't even true. Well, that's because people are generally kind. To dogs. Also because they probably don't suspect Li'l Russell of lying about this because there's really no reason to. Marisa interviews that she really trusted Li'l Russell although she also noticed that he was scrambling around to talk to everyone and his Katrina story was clearly told just to get sympathy. Although, she says, the story is "probably very true and his dog and I don't wanna diminish that story but I just think that he was angling at stuff." Basically, Marisa doesn't want to look like an insensitive asshole on national TV if Li'l Russell's Katrina story is true. "I'm starting to feel like he's pretty slimy," she concludes. And while she's interviewing, Li'l Russell is off emptying everyone's canteens. He drinks some water and pours the rest on the ground. Um, okay. They have fire, right, so they can just boil some more. This is stupid. Also, wouldn't it be a better idea to drink all of that water so that you're getting the advantage of hydration at the same time as you're depriving the others? And wouldn't this be better to do after the merge, when the challenges turn individual? Oh, but he does throw a sock in the fire, which is bound to make someone uncomfortable. I thought people weren't allowed to destroy other people's personal items on this show? Russell says he's a multi-millionaire oil company owner. I bet he got the money to own those companies from his father. Anyway, he's not here for the money. He's here for the camera time, which obviously motivates all of his actions. People are saying he's the biggest villain this show has ever had and he's a sociopath or whatever, but he isn't. He's on camera, and he wants to stay on camera. He wouldn't do these things if he wasn't. And it's really frustrating to see that his mission has been accomplished, as the majority of this episode focused on him and no doubt many others to come will, too.