Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Guerilla Filmmaking (1)
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.05.2002
Frat House Of The Corn. Jack's napping in his room when Bull and Blossom just fling open the door. "Eric told us you tried to kiss him," Bull announces. Jack is flabbergasted. I am not, as I have watched television before. Blossom thinks it would be better for Jack if he just 'fessed up. Jack sneers. "Yeah, I was just nancying around my room in my thigh-highs, and I thought to myself, 'I'm just going to lay a wet one on an unsuspecting frat brother, because that's probably a good way to smooth things over in the house.'" And Bull's all, "Jack," like he's someone's disapproving Christian Coalition Grandma. Jack flaps that he could never "do that" to any of them. Because none of them are really all that cute. And hold the phone for a sec: sure, it's not cool to go around kissing people who aren't interested in you. But 35-Year-Old Eric was all into him! There's nothing wrong with kissing someone who totally wants to kiss you! Jack would not have been in the wrong even if he did kiss 35-Year-Old Eric! It's 35-Year-Old Eric who's all in the wrong! I hate this show! "Wait a minute," Blossom says. "You want us to believe that [35-Year-Old Eric], like, fabricated this whole thing?" Jack stares at them and then sniffs that he doesn't care, because he's leaving! Forever! Bull smarms that they don't want that. I hate these guys. I sort of hate Jack too. Just because. "With all due respect, my brothers," Jack says, "get out." Man, Jack -- why won't you let them love you?
On the set, Dawson and Pacey confab. "I might have some insight as to why your ingénue is so exasperated today. And let's also say that, hypothetically speaking, I might be mildly culpable for her exasperation," Pacey confesses. Dawson raises an enormo-brow. "Forget I mentioned it," Pacey stutters at the sight of the brow. Dawson sighs that his patience? It's wearing thin. "Okay. Well, uh, here's the thing. I kissed her," Pacey says. "You idiot," Dawson sighs. And the hate? People, I think it's back. "Did anyone ever tell you the first rule of the universe?" he asks. "Energy is conserved?" Pacey guesses. "No," Dawson pronounces. "The first rule of the universe is, 'Never get involved with an actress.'" And then he chuckles. Good-naturedly! We were so close. Dawson pats Pacey and shakes his head, amused. Pander scampers over and points at Charlie. "Help, it's trying to think," he hisses. Apparently, Charlie has a "few ideas." "Script notes? Are you seriously trying to give me a reason to slap the silly out of you?" Jen snarls from across the room, before going ape-shit in Charlie's direction. Pacey lifts her off the ground and away from the boys. "She's got moxie," Charlie comments calmly. In the midst of the melee, Joey arrives. Dawson asks her to take Pacey and retrieve Audrey from the bathroom. She obeys. Then he takes Jen aside and tells her that he needs her to go home, because he doesn't want her to "have an embolism." Jen blinks innocently. "Dawson, he is evil. Isn't it possible that he is the anti-Christ, packed into the body of a handsome musician?" Now, that would be a plot twist I could really get behind. Dawson really needs her to go home. "It's the only way I'm going to get this thing done." Jen pouts. "But who will do the clappy thing?" she asks. Dawson reiterates that they'll "manage."