Episode Report Card Jessica: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Guerilla Filmmaking (1)
By Jessica | Season 5 | Episode 14 | Aired on 02.05.2002
Homophobia is bad, mmmkay? But the frat rats missed the memo. Jack wanders late into a meeting over at Sigma Ew, and everyone turns and looks at him and acts generally uncomfortable. Bull's telling the bros that they're hitting a party at a sorority house that evening, so if anyone's looking for "some nookie," they can all meet in the living room at 11 PM and have sex with each other after the party. I mean, "go to the party together." Like sororities even have nookie-type parties. Maybe I'm not in the know, since I wasn't in a sorority, but when I was in college six hundred years ago, frat parties were where people went to get lucky, and sorority parties were where sorority girls wore short black cocktail dresses and strappy shoes and forced their frat boy du jour into posing for awkward prom-like photos. The meeting splits up. Jack looks tired and hungover. 35-Year-Old Eric, the only brother left in the living room, wonders if he's okay. "They're trying to make it up to you," he says. Jack explains that he's having a hard time getting over the fact that his brothers beat him up and left him alone in a bar to bleed. 35-Year-Old Eric is all, "Dude, you crossed a line." Jack points out that the time for graceful apologies on his part has already passed him by, and complains that he feels like an idiot. "You are an idiot," 35-Year-Old Eric says, not unkindly, and leaves the room. I can name several idiots intimately connected to this storyline.
Dawson's up in his attic room, editing the flick. Jen skips in, wearing very cute black tights decorated with polka dots. He makes a series of frustrated noises, then chuckles to Jen that the movie is really, really, really bad. And the ending is horrific. And they don't have time to fix it. And the real problem? Pander is "without a doubt the most pathetic excuse for a thespian there's ever been." Oh, I don't know. Did you see that scene where the Flash was singing into an ice cream cone? But I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. Dawson and Jen stare at a series of bloopers between Pander and Audrey and look glum. "Jack and Grams have more sexual chemistry than these two," Dawson says grimly. Hee. I'm sorry, that was sort of funny. At least I'm not actively liking Dawson anymore. I'm just neutral on him now. Which is fine with me. The liking thing was freaking me out, but it's really hard to recap a show when you literally want to run the protagonist through with a long, sharp object, over and over again until he dies. Just ask Sars. Next, Pander comes stumbling into Dawson's room, wrapped in a blanket. Is he living at Grams's now? Or does he just wander around Boston covered in an afghan like a fool? "What'd I miss?" he asks. Jen and Dawson exchange looks. "Have a seat, skipper," Dawson offers. And then fires him. Pretty tactfully, though, saying that Pander isn't "right actor for this particular role." Pander shrugs and bows to Dawson's authority as a director, which shocks the Head. Pander agrees that they need to recast the part, if they can find somebody who's "sexy, charismatic, attractive and not burdened with a soul." He wonders where they can find a guy like that on such short notice. Jen chortles to herself. "I used to date him," she offers. Pander and Dawson turn to stare at her. "That's not a bad idea," Dawson says. "Oh, yes, it is. It's a terrible idea, and you would never make me do that, would you, Dawson?" Jen offers.