Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Let That Be Your Last Bakulafield
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 12 | Aired on 01.13.2004
Quantum's Ready Room. Quantum explains to T'Pol -- who's sitting ramrod straight in her chair so as not to crease the nap and pile of her Violet Velour, or relax her muscle tone and appear a pound more than under-fed -- that the Christalien Scientists believe that "godlike beings" created the spheres a thousand years ago. T'Pol comments, "We have determined that the spheres are nearly a thousand years old." Quantum continues that they also believe that The Makers are using the spheres to reshape The Expanse, "creating a paradise for when they return." Do people really want to live in Paradise? It sounds so boring -- all that lolling around eating fruit and being devout. And you know, I don't think they allow laptops or TWoP in Paradise. Although they probably don't allow Ryan Seacrest either, so that might be a plus. You know what my Paradise is? Cozy bed, glass of wine, good book, purring cats, and Dr. Mathra building things with his mathematical tinker toys. T'Pol starts to say that a lot of myths have basis in fact when Digimon buzzes in. Can I ask something here? Why do all "religious" persons on shows have to walk around with their hands clasped in front of them? Get a new walk -- hold your ears or stick your thumb in orifices but BE ORIGINAL! Friar Tuck didn't know what he was doing when he spawned this affectation. T'Pol excuses herself. She clearly can't stand being around someone so illogical.
Digimon tells Quantum that he's already begun the process of repaying him and his qrew for their "kindness." He than sermonizes that Quantum and his qrew are about to go on a glorious mission with the Christalien Scientists at the helm. "At this moment a number of my people have taken positions around your vessel. Their bodies have been equipped with powerful, organic explosives." My immediate thought when I heard the explosives were "organic" was, "Good -- they may be a bit buggy and expensive but at least they're supporting local farmers," which shows you that I've been living in California just long enough to be turned. Sorry, Digimon, you were fanaticizing. "With a single command, I can order any one of them to sacrifice their lives," Digimon continues, pretending not to hear my aside. He pulls out a large walkie-talkie and speaks alienish into it. Somewhere in a corridor, one of the Christalien Scientists responds, falls to his knees, and catches the attention of a random female ensign who stops to watch him. Still speaking alienish, the suicide bomber takes off his gaudy brooch, stabs it into his forearm, and twists. Blue veins appear on his arm. Close-up shot of the female ensign watching. The blue veins crawl up his face. The female ensign is entranced. From outer space, a small section of the hull blows up. Shit, did he take the ensign with him? At such a close proximity, she would've been blown out into space!