Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Last Tanga In The Paris Commune
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 6 | Aired on 04.22.1999
Zhaan and John are spooned in the Murphy bed; John's hand is totally cupping her ass over the sheet. She wakes and smiles sleepily, "Good morning, John." He retracts his hand with a quickness and rolls away as D'Argo comes into the room. John starts in on him again, but D'Argo tells him he's going to be late for work. "I thought today was a rest day?" D'Argo corrects him lovingly: "No no no, today is the last day of the work cycle! Tonight there is going to be a great big celebration." The hooch comes out and her intense abs fill the screen; she hugs D'Argo goodbye and they leave, D'Argo with promises of meeting up later and then some wolfish growls in the direction of the hooch.
A bunch of disgusting hippies are lining up for work in the street. Following D'Argo, John and Zhaan join the procession. "Good morning, citizens. A new day begins. Remember, rejoice in your work and you will be rewarded. Be temperate. Be strong and healthful. Keep production line flowing. Efficiency in your task will be observed and noted. Your reward status can therefore be improved. Keep your mind on your task. Free yourself from all concerns. Focus only on the task. Be content. Be strong. Keep production lines flowing. Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson are well on their way to reconciliation. Anne Coulter is just a crazy nutcase and nobody important buys her best-selling books. Nicole Richie is much prettier, now that she weighs seventy pounds..."
Out in the fields, John sees a chick that's been staring him down -- and who smashed his face into a wall yesterday -- and follows her to a boxcar a few hundred yards from the work group. "You seem interested in me. What do you say we talk?" She says okay, and then a dude grabs John from behind and pulls him inside the boxcar. They hold him down inside, and one of them drops a creepy fat white worm on John, and it crawls inside his bellybutton. Ugh. Exploding piss oui! Bloated worms in the bellybutton non! The worm-wrangler, Hybin, tells him seriously and not unkindly: "Listen, you must tell no one of this. If they know you carry the worm, they will kill you for it. Eat and the pain will go away. Do you understand? You must eat." The boxcar starts to move, and the revolutionaries bounce. John writhes and moans and feels horrible.
Commercial break/lacuna: "Ashlee Simpson had a nose job. Kate Moss: it's like the whole thing never happened! JonBenet Ramsey is kiddie-porn snuff the whole family can enjoy. Please stop picking on Wal-Mart..."