Episode Report Card Sara M: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Elephant Dung: A Love/Hate Story
By Sara M | Season 17 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.25.2008
Night falls, and Fang is having trouble sleeping what with the elephant sound effects blasting on a nearby stereo. But the only oafish mammal here is Randy, who went and walked into the doorway of the hut and cut his head open on a "sharp branch." Wow, I guess they brought the Jonathan-stabber back for another season of contestant pain. Randy is bleeding profusely, but since it's dark outside, no one can really tell how bad it is. He asks Nurse Gillian for assistance, but she can't see anything, nor does she have any supplies even if she could. "Yeah, right," she interviews. She advises Randy to keep it clean, and here comes the Survivor medical team for what probably will not be their only appearance of the season if last season is anything to go by. They fix Randy up with a few stitches and he will not shut up the entire time. They're spending an awful lot of time telling us that Randy is at risk for infection and they'll have to keep an eye on the wound, which makes me think it's going to get worse. In a night-vision interview, Randy, now with a ridiculously large bandage on his head, says he doesn't know if they gave him three stitches or thirty. I'm guessing it's more like three. He says he's scared the injury could take him out of the game, as opposed to his general worthlessness as a physical competitor and unpleasantness as a person.
The next morning, Randy's head looks like a turnip with that bandage on. He says he's sure the wound will be fine in a couple days. Meanwhile, Michelle is freezing in her little outfit. She's borrowed Dan's suit jacket for warmth and says she doesn't understand why she's cold when they're on the "freaking equator." She does have a point there. Michelle tells us that she was very cold last night and since she's "very bony," she was uncomfortable on the wood floor. Well, who's fault is that? You know you're going on Survivor. EAT. Don't be vain about being on television and just gain twenty pounds before you go on the show. One million dollars > not looking model thing on TV. Especially when by the time this thing is over, you'll look model-thin anyway. Meanwhile, her tribe attempts to start a fire using the machete and a skull. Michelle watches Dan's efforts and says "trying to make fire with a bone? I don't think I got stuck with the brightest bunch, that's for sure." Well at least they're trying. If you don't like it and think Dan is stupid, you can go ahead and give him back the suit jacket he so kindly lent you. Michelle whineterviews that she doesn't know what she did to get stuck with this tribe of "dorks" when Kota has all the "smart, beautiful people." Right, well, the smart beautiful tribe didn't pick you, Michelle. Neither did Fang. Perhaps you should look inwards and see what it is about you that turns everyone off and fix it. Preferably before you go on national television so millions of people don't think you're a whiny, selfish, entitled, mean, negative, spoiled brat. I mean, I actually like Michelle and I can see where she's coming from and lord knows I would probably come across pretty similar to her if you put me on Survivor, but that's also why I won't be on this show. If you're going to be negative and sour and bitter, it's good to have you some self-awareness so you don't torture the people around you.
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