Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pretty Sad Woman
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.29.2007
Back in Max's room, Veronica sees some pictures -- of Max and two other guys -- that were taken in Mac and Parker's room. Veronica comments that Max must know Mac. Regrettably, that's all we get of Mac this episode. "No, that's from the Around the World party -- that's my roommate Brian and my friend Fred," Max explains. Is there only one dorm at Hearst? "I think that room was supposed to be Canada, but it was kind of lame," Max concludes. Veronica drops her smile when she hears "lame." Come on, V, you guys didn't even invest in any poutine or a DVD of Strange Brew. (Yes, those are the two things I think about when I imagine Canada. ["Sniff." -- Wing Chun]) Max hands over the text message phone number, and Veronica places the call. She gets the guy on the line and asks him about Chelsea (he already told Max he doesn't know any Chelsea), his area code (Goshen, New York), Poughkeepsie in relation to Goshen (forty-three miles), and where he is now. Behold, the first twist! Text Boy is in SoCal. In college. A "tiny West Coast liberal arts college no one has ever heard of." Wait for it: "Hearst." Veronica admits that she has heard of it, and asks if she can come by and check the phone out for herself, since Text Boy can't figure out how to use his own phone to check for sent messages. Text Boy wonders how she's going to come by. "Just tell me where you are, I'll handle the travel arrangements," Veronica assures him wryly.
Hearst Caf. Veronica gives Text Boy a lesson in cell-phone mechanics, and finds the sent message. She reads the message aloud, and Text Boy is quick to swear that he didn't send it. Veronica starts to suggest that "some sweet young thing" asked to borrow his phone the last time he was back home and under the influence of egg nog, but then one of the guys pictured with Max in Mac's "Oh, Canada" dorm zips out of the kitchen with a tray of muffins. After the guy admits that his name is Brian, Veronica nails him: "You look more like a Chelsea." Busted. Oh, but we aren't nearly done with the plot-twisting. Just wait. You're going to need Dramamine.
Back in Max's dorm, Veronica announces that while Chelsea isn't getting married, she is a hooker.
After the break, Veronica explains that Fred and Brian hired Chelsea, and that their reasoning for this rather lame scheme was to give Max more confidence by way of a hired deflowering. Max gapes and chokes out that he's going to go kill his friends. Veronica reminds him that his friends thought they were doing him a favor. Max rants that he's not a "sexual charity chase" -- that he's had "opportunities," but he has "standards -- high standards." Veronica reveals that not only did Fred and Brian book Chelsea for this virgin gig, they also coached her in All Things Max, gave her the "So Say We All" t-shirt, and fed her the Cylon raider line. (Aw, not a "Frackin' Toaster" t-shirt?) Later, when his friends saw Max pining for She Who Does Not Exist, they used an Upstate cell phone to send Max a text message in the hopes that he would move on. Max still wants Veronica to find Chelsea, though. He refuses to believe that their connection was faked. "There are some things women are universally known for faking and this girl is a professional," Veronica reminds him. She continues to try to talk Max out of his imagined love connection. Max is resolute, and Veronica is off to find a hooker. It shouldn't be too hard: all she'll need is a metal detector to find her heart of gold.