Episode Report Card Keckler: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Pretty Sad Woman
By Keckler | Season 3 | Episode 11 | Aired on 01.29.2007
Sometime later, Veronica hangs up the phone and waves around Tickle Me Judge-o's home phone number. Logan thinks this is a really bad idea, but Veronica explains, "It's the go-to idea: in case of emergency, break glass or blackmail." Logan begs to be excused for not being thrilled that his girlfriend is about to extort a judge. Would he feel better if she were extorting bums? ["Yeah!" -- Wing Chun] Veronica's not "doing back handsprings" about it either, but she's getting Max's money back and taking away Cheliondy's biggest client. Using Max's cell phone, so that they can't trace the call back to her, Veronica calls Tickle Me Judge-o and talks about his weekly courthouse date with a hooker, including high heel-wearing tickle fights. Logan faces the wall and looks pained. Veronica makes her bid for hush money, telling the judge to dump it in a locker at the Neptune Bus Station. He has twenty-four hours to do this and call her back with the locker number and passcode. She hangs up, and it occurs to me that the judge had better have caller ID or he won't exactly know where to call. You think I'm kidding? My parents didn't have caller ID until last year. ["I still don't. Does this make me old?" -- Wing Chun] Max finally realizes that he should vacate Logan's apartment and mope around his own place. Noting Logan's still wary face, Veronica rolls her eyes dramatically and sighs that she can't believe she had to blackmail a judge just to get some alone time with Logan. "You really don't have to work that hard," Logan tells her. "Sure I do," Veronica purrs argumentatively, and they embrace.
Several orgasms later, the two lovebirds are cuddling. By way of talking about what she would charge Logan for cuddle time if she were a hooker, Veronica once again brings up the question of Logan and hookers. They lap dance around the issue a bit, but Veronica keeps pressing with this excuse, "I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really...intimate." Logan snarks, "That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off." Seriously, stop with the asking, Veronica. You aren't going to be "cool" with it. Veronica points out, "Buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around." She keeps badgering Logan to come clean, and offers to come clean as well. Finally, Logan agrees, and tells her to ask away. Veronica asks. Logan says that he's never been with a hooker. Veronica smiles gently and closes her eyes. Oh, but the torture isn't over yet! "You want to ask me anything?" she offers. Logan deadpans the question back on her and gets a scoffing "No!" Barely pausing between interrogations, Veronica now wants to ask about That Night in Mexico. Haven't we been here already? Veronica, you got back together with Logan, and regardless of what I think of that, you did it. If you're in this relationship, you have to trust him. If you can't, then give Dick your extra key. Logan can't believe Veronica's going there. Veronica wants to know how Mercer was able to get back to Neptune, commit a rape, and return to Mexico, all without Logan knowing. Logan, who has turned away from Veronica and is now looking up at the ceiling, sighs, "I don't know. I must've passed out. I don't know, it felt like a couple of minutes, but it could've been hours. Maybe he drugged me or something." Does GHB sponsor this show or something? I swear, their product placement is almost as shameless as on Top Chef. Veronica, realizing that she's not going to get anything more out of Logan, says, "Your question." Logan tells her that she can have it, so Veronica asks if Logan was with anyone when they were broken up. And we're off! "Landmine," Logan breathes. Veronica looks scared. I'm sorry, but you asked for it, honey. He tells her that he "fooled around with this horrible girl" he met on the beach. It meant nothing to him and he couldn't regret it more. Veronica twitches away from him. "Thinking of it makes me ill," Logan concludes, turning onto his back. "So, there: presto intimacy!" Veronica agonizes for a little bit until Logan asks if she still loves him. She smiles slowly and answers, "Yes." They turn their faces back to each other and kiss.