Episode Report Card Niki: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mediation
By Niki | Season 1 | Episode 13 | Aired on 01.23.2000
Cut to a close-up of a very angry Lily fuming at Jake. "How about consulting me?" she wants to know, "How about giving me a little notice?" She looks appealingly to the mediator for support. Jake, slouched in his chair and looking very cocky, says "All right. I'm giving you notice -- I'll be back again tomorrow with somebody else." "Is this cooperation?" Lily asks the mediator. The mediator glances at each of them, then asks "Can [they] just try to articulate what each of [them] is saying?" Lily points out that they now have an estimate, which is all she agreed to, but Jake insists they need at least three, especially since Ed was an idiot. Lily and Jake begin talking over one another, vying for the mediator's validation. Jake tells Lily that she doesn't need to be there for the estimates and bitterly suggests that she "just go off with [her] boyfriend or something." Lily insists that she won't have strangers going through her house when she's not there, and Jake reminds her that it's "[their] house" since "[he] pays the bills, remember?" The statement sparks bickering over Jake's late mortgage payments, and he implies that she's over-reacting, as always. Lily points out that she agreed only to one appraisal, not three, and the mediator backs her up. Jake's voice is shaking as he enumerates the expenses involved with the mediation process and wonders why he's not entitled to be concerned about money. Fighting to hold his temper, he rubs his face and informs them that he may need to take a second mortgage to open the restaurant and keep everything afloat. He explains it very slowly, like he's talking to dimwitted baboons. He wants to know if they can try things his way to see if it works. Lily's no fool, though, and insists that she be allowed to set up the appointments. She also states that she doesn't want to come home one day to find a "for sale" sign on her lawn. "Oh!" Jake exclaims, saying it like there's a silent expletive on the end. He looks, for all the world, like a very tortured man. The mediator assures Lily that Jake cannot sell the house from under her, but it's clear that Lily still doesn't trust him. The mediator reads an excerpt of the law to Lily, while Jake sits in his chair pulling faces like an ape. The mediator asks Jake about his meeting with the accountant, and he admits he hasn't arranged one yet, immediately becoming defensive. He insists he called the guy, but the accountant wants a thirty-five hundred dollar retainer. The mediator informs him that the accountant is not a negotiable issue -- he has to have one. She says he can call now, from her office, "but then he'd be paying [her] to watch [him] make a phone call." Jake agrees he'll call the guy later.