Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Under Pressure
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.10.2002
Lucy ambushes Simon in the upstairs hallway. Ooh, Simon's going on a ride-along with the two dullest cops in the universe, Roxanne and Kevin! She's completely manic about the idea. Simon knows Lucy wants something, and she does -- she wants him to spy on Kevin and Roxanne. Like, is Roxanne seeing anyone? Was she ever engaged? Who does she want to date? Is she hot for Kevin? Do they have hot cop sex in their cop car, with its cop shocks, cop brakes, and cop carburetors? Do they laugh at Lucy's ignorance when they're doing it with each other? And most importantly, does Roxanne like board games? Because the woman that likes board games is not a woman Lucy wants her man to be around. Or maybe the opposite is true. It's really hard to tell.
Ugly Ruthie and the little Muslim girl are hanging out and talking. The Muslim girl is all, maybe you have problems because you're too young to have a boyfriend. Ruthie says she really wants a boyfriend, and besides, it makes her feel grown up. What a foolish, ugly little girl. Ruthie asks if Muslim Girl wants a b.f., and that maybe her l'il man has a friend. Muslim Girl breaks her neck saying "no" a million times, and says she's too young to date. Seriously. We should be teaching girls not to give a shit about what boys think. Ruthie lives in a house with the assembled idiots Robbie, Simon, Kevin (in the garage), and those cyborg Sam and Dave, and she's still fascinated by boys? Scary. How many ugly robots will it take until the Camden women realize MEN AIN'T WORTH IT? Ruthie is all, "What about a Muslim guy?" Even that prospect doesn't get the Muslim Girl's veil all in a bunch. She can wait 'til she's older, she says for the millionth time, and when that day comes, there's plenty of social functions where she can meet a guy that she has stuff in common with, a guy that knows her parents, and by then she'll know about herself and what she wants in a husband. Even if all this didn't sound like propaganda from the "Women, Wait!" pamphlet series, the way the Muslim Girl reads her lines is as robotic as, well, any other actor on this show. Except for the head scarf, she fits right in. Welcome to the jungle, little Muslim girl. We got fun and games. Ruthie says she doesn't date to find a husband, but to just sleep around -- I mean, "have a boyfriend." She likes the variety pack of donuts. The multi-pack of cereal. She's an American. Low in nutritional value and short in attention span. I'd say fat, too, but Ruthie's collar bones are sticking out like knives. Nothing fat about her. Except maybe in the mouth area.