Episode Report Card Alex Richmond: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Under Pressure
By Alex Richmond | Season 7 | Episode 8 | Aired on 11.10.2002
Robbie comes home and is intercepted by Annie. "Threaten Eric! His health depends on it." That, and watch the girls watch the twins. No one needs to watch those robots posing as children. They're fully self-cleaning. Robbie mutters that he "knows what [Eric] depends on." Depends, the adult diapers?
Robbie enters the kitchen, saying he can't threaten the Rabbi or Eric, or watch the girls watch the twins, because he has "something." What, another audition? Godspeed. He goes off, and Rabbi Eric says that "this is a very hostile home! No wonder [Eric] has heart problems!" No wonder I want to barf.
Roxanne and Kevin wait outside the house, because Simon is coming on a drive-along, and they have nothing better to do than to pick him up and ferry him around like a kitten dressed up as baby in a buggy. Kevin prompts Roxanne to say she likes to play board games with her boyfriend, since that will convince Lucy that Roxanne is a family person who's going to be married soon. That is so fucking crazy. Substitute any other hobby, like "does the New York Times crossword puzzle," or "goes to bars," for board games and you'll see it's a wack theory. Roxanne says it would be a lie, since she doesn't have a b.f. Kevin agrees: "It'd be a lie that serves [him]." I hate the fucking politics on this show. Why not just say, "Lucy, you're a stupid bitch who's lucky anyone pretends to love you at all. Put up with the fact that I have a female partner, and shut up." Roxanne asks if she can say she loves to play board games with Kevin every night. Kevin says that lie would be "less fun." Less fun for Lucy, maybe. Which would serve her right. Roxanne sees Lucy and Simon lumbering toward them and calls out, "Hey Loose, got any fun games we can borrow in case we get stuck in the car for hours with nothing to do?" She wouldn't want Simon to get bored, and "Kevin hates board games." Lucy's face gets all squinty and flinty and she asks Kevin, "Since when does [he] hate board games?" He says he doesn't; he just hates playing them with anyone but Lucy. Then his pants burst into flame. They kiss each other sickeningly, and Lucy's off like a prom dress. Simon tells "Cagney and Lacey" to "move this cruiser." Yes, move it to the dress shop; Kevin has a run in his Leggs pantyhose.
Eric enters Ruthie's room, where she and the twins and Yasmin are all playing together. The hell? What about the makeovers and the boys and all the talk of Islam? Now it's a Play-Doh party? Dullsville. Eric asks if she can watch the twin Borg by herself. She says snottily that "it isn't the first time [she's] been alone with Sam and David." And they've just stopped crying from that other time. Eric says she's "always been very responsible." She has? I still can't get over last week when she tried to browbeat her overworked SuperMom into baking a freaking cake. The twins say creepily, in unison, like good little Stepford children, "Weee're fiiiine." Eric is so outta there.