Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Is That A Bestiality Reference?
By Couch Baron | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 08.23.1998
Schillinger teaches Hoyt the ins and out of the mailroom. Heh. "Ins and outs." I crack myself up sometimes. Schillinger says the rule is that every piece of mail coming into Oz has to be opened and examined, and if they find anything suspicious, they're supposed to pass it on to the supervising hack. Hoyt asks if they actually do, and Schillinger says they're spot-checked regularly, so they have to pick their spots in letting anything illegal get through. Hoyt notes that that means they know every prisoner's business, and Schillinger agrees. He also smiles again. Shudder.
In line for the mail, Busmalis tells Rebadow not to be nervous, that he's just suffering from PBS. Doesn't public television have enough problems without HBO putting it down? Oh, he's talking about "pre-bunny syndrome," referring to the anxiety tunnel-diggers feel right before they escape. Hey, Busmalis coined the phrase -- did you expect it to make sense? After they get their mail, Rebadow opens a letter and says, "Oh," with a lack of affect commensurate with discovering that the latest Tarantino flick contains graphic violence. Hill asks what's up, and Rebadow says the letter's from his mother. Busmalis: "You have a mother?" Cheap laugh, especially coming from Busmalis, but I'm not proud. Rebadow says his mother is ninety, which seems roughly to jive with what we know, if you discount the fact that Rebadow himself looks like he could be Methuselah's dad. Rebadow says that his grandson has leukemia. And thus The Longest Plotline Involving Someone We Never See begins. (If we do actually see him in the course of the series, great. Don't email me!) Busmalis: "You have a grandson?" Okay, okay. Rebadow exposits that his fiancée was pregnant when he committed assault with a deadly seafood utensil. Hill: "Rebadow, who'd have thought about you doing the nasty?" Well, no one, Hill, but I hope you don't mind if I bring a class-action lawsuit against you on behalf of all the people who suffered permanent emotional damage at the hands of that image: Everyone Who's Ever Seen Episode 207 v. Augustus Hill. I hope you have insurance. Rebadow's stony look cows Hill, who asks about his kid. Rebadow says his name is Alex, he's 34, and Rebadow's never seen him or his grandson. Sucky.
Prisoner's Council. McManus asks if there's any new business. Hoyt, who is somehow leading the bikers now, tells everyone about Rebadow's grandson, saying that the kid's dying wish is to go to Disney World, and that his family doesn't have the $3000 it would take. $3000? It's called a "bus," Rebadow's family. Look into it. Everyone else grumbles, but Hoyt goes on that the prisoners could send the kid, and backstories that his biker gang once raised $10,000 for the Ronald McDonald House. McManus says that whatever the prisoners raise will be matched by the hacks. Scene!