Episode Report Card Couch Baron: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Is That A Bestiality Reference?
By Couch Baron | Season 2 | Episode 7 | Aired on 08.23.1998
Schillinger sees Beecher in the hospital wing and smiles to himself. He enters with the mail cart, and cheerfully says, "Hey, Beachball." Hee. Schillinger goes on that he heard that Beecher went on a bender, and guesses that he was upset about his wife. Come on, Vern, that was two episodes ago. He's moved on. From women. Vern agreeably asks if Beecher would feel better if he told him that he, Vern, had Beecher's wife killed. Cue the music of DUN! Beecher thinks Vern's lying. Schillinger: "I guess you'll never know for sure. Best part is, either way, it's your fucking fault." Vern gets another "e" for that one. He's now Eeeeevil. Beecher pushes Schillinger, prompting Gloria to yell over at them. Vern leaves with a few chuckles and a "Later, fuckwad." Hee.
Coushaine stops Ryan in the main area and asks if he's seen Cyril, if he knows what unit he's in, et cetera. Ryan gives him a series of unfriendly nos. Coushaine's like that guy at a party who won't leave even after the host has yawned, stretched, and faux-exclaimed, "Oh my God, is that really the time?" He asks if Ryan wants him to find out where Cyril is. Ryan demands to know why Coushaine is so interested. Coushaine babbles something about brothers in the same prison. Ryan says Coushaine is trying to convert him and Cyril. Well, I can't blame him for that. And by the way, is Coushaine really supposed to be straight? I'm just not buying that. Anyway, Ryan tells him to shove off, and he finally does.
Cyril's sitting on his bed bouncing a ball when Schillinger enters, which distracts Cyril, causing him to bounce the ball off his shoe. Schillinger picks it up and greets Cyril. Schillinger chats up Cyril, but Cyril quietly but insistently asks for his ball back. Schillinger obliges and asks Cyril if he wants to see Emerald City. Yeah, Cyril's going to be bent over the rainbow soon, and I doubt he's going to be singing about it. Schillinger takes Cyril by the hand and leads him into a supply closet. I know you're challenged, Cyril, so I'm going to keep this very simple: Closets. Are. Bad. In this particular one, two other toughs are waiting. Cyril quietly asks where Ryan is. Aw. Schillinger explains that before he can take Cyril to Ryan, Cyril has to do something for him. Cyril agrees, and asks what. Schillinger gives me a wicked case of the heebie-jeebies by smiling. That's a smile from which even a mother would run screaming. He tells Cyril to take off his clothes, and when Cyril doesn't respond, he unbuttons Cyril's shirt. Silly Cyril. Trix aren't just for kids anymore. The rest of the scene is left to the imagination. Damn my vivid imagination.