Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Like A Virgin
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.1999
Dawson pilots the boat while Bus Girl, with her shirt open, reclines as far as it is possible to do without pitching into the drink, in order to present a perfectly flat stomach to the camera. She tells him he should take off his shirt. First of all, no he shouldn't. And second of all, it's a motor boat; it doesn't need a sail. Third of all, no, he just shouldn't. He demurs, and says he's nervous, for the same reason she's not. She says that she is, and that anything that's worth anything is dangerous or scary. More "risk is sexy" blather follows that's not worth recording. She cozies up to a pole and places her breasts on either side of it. He finally asks her name, where she's from, and why in the name of all that is good and pure she's hanging out with him. She says that he said it himself already, and that she's a figure of his own creation. She gets behind him and puts her arms around his waist, and asks him if he's a virgin. He asks, "What's before 'virgin'?" She says, "Everything but," and I really do not like where this is going. She slides around front and kisses him and he stops after a moment because he can't see. She starts to move down his body and he chuckles nervously, pulling her back up short. He asks her to at least tell him her name. She says he can call her Eve. He says: "Eve. That's a Biblical name." She says: "I'll try to live up to it," and slides back down again. See, because before he said he was having "a religious experience." Get it? It's so cerebral. Dawson makes an excited, surprised face. Fade to white. I reacquaint myself with the elements of my dinner. A moment later, we see that the boat has crashed into the dock (and thus I choose to believe that the crash happened before anything actually happened). Joey comes running out to the crash site, evidently recognizing the boat, and calls, "Are you okay?" Dawson replies, "I think so." She looks relieved. At that moment Eve pops up, laughing, and says, "Crashes are so intense!" Joey's face falls. Dawson too-brightly introduces Joey to Eve. Joey says, "Suddenly, everything becomes clear." Her boss asks if she knows "this moron." Joey replies, "I thought I did," and walks off shaking her head. Dawson glances back at Eve, who, predictably enough, is smirking.
Sars: [quiet sobbing]
Wing Chun: "Dawson didn't get a hummer, right? RIGHT?"
Sars: "I don't know...."
Wing Chun: "I just don't want to live in a world where Dawson got a blow job on his father's boat."