Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | 3 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT Like A Virgin
By Wing Chun | Season 3 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.28.1999
Ha.
After a surprisingly brief montage of shots establishing the fact that students are returning to Capeside High, we cut to Jack and Jen in an auditorium, where Jack is telling Jen that if he falls asleep, she shouldn't wake him. A trio of stereotypically "popular"-looking girls we've never seen before (read: Abby x 3, without the acting talent or charisma) stops beside Jen and the leader asks how Jen's summer was and whether she hosted any gang-bangs. Jen says, "You know, Belinda, I could think of a really scathing comeback right now, but I figure that I should show you a little sympathy, seeing that the lipo didn't take." Belinda strikes a "Well, I Never" pose and stomps off with her lieutenants and Jen and Jack laugh at them.
Query: have we ever had any indication that Jen has been victimized by anyone more "popular" than she? Furthermore, does the Jen we know strike anyone as someone who really gives a rat's ass about what some essentially anonymous snotty girl thinks of her? And finally, beyond the public perception of Joey (motherless convict's kid from wrong side of creek) and Pacey (town screw-up) have the social strata of Capeside High ever been an issue on this show before? Like, do we know or care how popular any of the gang is in relation to anyone else? I ask this because I did attend a high school where such strata were as clearly established as the line of succession in the British royal family, so I know whereof I speak. There were some people who were harassed by the inner circle and who really cared about it, but mostly high school was made up of "untouchables" who were ignored. And from what we know of Jen, I really can't see that anything these girls said would even penetrate. It's not like they're seniors and she's a freshman. They're all juniors. Who cares? My point is, essentially, that this plotline strikes me as extremely contrived. I do think the mechanics of high school popularity are worthy of dramatic examination, but you just can't do a half-assed job of it, besides which, isn't there already a show on the WB about being popular? And isn't it called Popular? Cool, just checking.
Dawson and Pacey are sitting apart from Jen and Jack, watching the door for Joey. Pacey says she has to come, because it's the junior assembly. Dawson tells him to shut up.
A guy on stage introduces himself as "Principal Green." He's played by Obba Babatundé, who also played the choreographer on the episode of Friends where Joey tries to pass himself off as a veteran of the Twyla Tharp dance company, so while in my head I was watching him dance around and say, "pas de bourrée, pas de bourrée and jazz hands!" what he was actually saying was that like all of them, he had a new principal in his junior year, and that principal pretty much blew smoke up his class's collective ass about how they were all entering the best year of their lives. Then he stuns us all -- all of us who care, that is, so I guess I mean, "he doesn't stun anyone" -- by saying that he's not going to give that speech because they're living in a different time, and that the students are living and speaking like people twice their age. At this point Joey walks in wearing a mini-skirt. Joey. Mini-skirt. Right. Pacey leans over to tell Dawson she's arrived. Principal Green is still droning on about the extinction of childhood and says he's onto all of them, especially "that gentleman in the fifth row who's talking." He tells Pacey to stand up and asks him his name. Pacey says, "I don't suppose you'd accept 'Che Guevara'?" only he pronounces it "Shay Ga-VAIR-a." The junior class chuckles as if they knew who Che Guevara was. Dawson hides his face. Joey rolls her eyes. Pacey tells him his real name, and Principal Green tells him that he wants to congratulate Pacey for being the first student at Capeside who acts like one, keep on acting like an adolescent, live, learn, screw up, blah blah blah fishcakes, and while Pacey is accepting these kudos, Principal Green ends by telling Pacey he'll see him on Saturday for detention. Uh, maybe the reason children act like little adults is that they get mixed signals all the time? I'm just throwing that out there.
Out in the hall, Belinda is standing beside a table with a couple of pompoms on it and telling some not-at-all too-fat girl that she's too fat, and that she should try the 4-H Club, since that's where they're looking for "the prize hog." She turns to her underlings and says that the only reason that girl came over at all is that somebody made too many pit stops at the Krispy Kreme. First of all, even I know they only have Krispy Kreme in New York City, and in the South. Second, what? Nearby, Jack tells Jen he doesn't know why anyone would want to become a cheerleader in the first place. Jen looks back with a determined expression and says, "There's only one way to find out." There's a stupid power struggle over whether Jen should be allowed to fill out the sign-up sheet, and Belinda tells her that try-outs are the next day. Gimme a W! Gimme an H! Gimme a...oh, you see where I'm going with this, right?