Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Hope And Glory
By Pamie | Season 3 | Episode 20 | Aired on 05.14.2000
John and Richard breathe into paper bags. John says he wants to "get her." Richard says he doesn't want to make it personal. Ally appears grossed out by them. Creepy Teeth says there's going to be a court case in, like, an hour. John says again that he wants to "get her."
An hour is, apparently, right now, as everyone go-go-gadgets right into the court case. Out in the hallway, D-Girl tells Richard that her clients cannot talk to him right now. Richard remembers that he had sex with her. She thanks him for "raising the relevant issues." Ally asks to speak with Elaine. D-Girl says she doesn't advise it. Ally snots all over her about blah-blah-"what you advise" and John gives Nelle the stink-eye. Creepy Teeth mumbles all creepily about going inside. Richard makes another comment about having sex. Ally is amazed that for the first time in her life someone wouldn't talk to her. John makes air come out from between his teeth. Does anyone like anyone on this show anymore?
I took an informal poll earlier and found out that no one cares at all about court cases on Ally McBeal. They are only there because if the show was fifty-three straight minutes of tits and ass, the show would be called Come On, Girl, Show Me That Ass Again. So, I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time, here. Creepy Teeth and D-Girl debate in front of the judge about whether or not this case is "simple." Nelle stole files. D-Girl says that Nelle was lied to about being made partner, was put through "corporal punishment" by John (hairbrush, again? God.), and before she can go on, John begins shouting, "Balls. Balls. Balls." There is twenty seconds of merciful silence. D-Girl asks for arbitration. The judge agrees. Creepy Teeth gets the others to say it's fine. The judge says he'll pick a name out of a hat.
Ally tries to talk to Elaine again in the hallway. Elaine tells her that Richard said she was unqualified for a paralegal. Ally asks why she didn't tell her. Elaine says she didn't want to get Ally fired. Ally asks Richard if this is true. Richard, of course, doesn't know what's going on. He asks John. John says, "Balls." Creepy Teeth says that the bad news is that "Bulldog Brattle," "the biggest man-hating lawyer in town," is going to be the arbitrator. Jack Tripper falls out of a closet with an ironing board with his pants around his ankles and his fist in his teeth.
Right into arbitration. Nelle shows the clicker that John put in her shoes. She says he made some for her hairpins. She discusses the hairbrush situation again. She says she felt like a slave at the firm, so she made plans to leave. She asks to take a bathroom break. Bulldog gives her five minutes. She asks if someone could come with her. She says that since the bathroom is unisex, she doesn't feel safe because the men follow her. As John is calling Nelle a lying bitch, Richard gets a look at Bulldog's upper arm flesh. He's speechless with sexual excitement.