Episode Report Card Erin: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A cup of No-Doz and an espresso IV, STAT!
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.26.2005
I'm sure that, at this point, you're thinking, "Damn, this recap is really boring right about now." And you'd be thinking right. Because, so far -- and I realize we're only three minutes into the damn thing but still -- this entire errant terrorist group storyline is dead fucking boring. And it doesn't get much better throughout the rest of the episode. Especially considering that the promo monkeys promised us some Spy Daddy Emmy-chasing goodness and I can tell you right now -- we barely get ANY.
Uch. Whatever. Sloane breaks up the meeting and everyone sets off to their separate corners. Nadia's cell phone rings and she picks up. It's Sonia Braga. How the hell did she get Nadia's number? The last time they even saw each other was back when Nadia was in jail before she did her impersonation of La Femme Nikita. Nadia says she's very surprised that Sonia's calling because it's been such a long time. See? This is where the Worst Spy Ever stuff starts -- when your long-lost mentor/orphanage keeper calls you up, out of the blue, ON YOUR CELL PHONE, and you don't even wonder how she got the damn number, you DESERVE to be called the Worst Spy Ever. Sonia announces that she's flying in and wants to see Nadia. Without even blinking, Nadia says she'll meet her at the airport.
The next morning, Syd and Nadia walk through the airport. Syd, at least, is slightly suspicious of Sonia, and she asks Nadia why Sonia's coming to L.A. now, all of a sudden? Nadia's like, dunno! Didn't ask! Didn't even bring mah gun! Oooh, cotton candy. Syd's like, oh, man. And everyone thought that I was the Worst Spy Ever. How times have changed. They make their way to the gate, and Syd asks if Nadia's okay, because she's not acting very excited. Nadia's worried that Sonia will be disappointed in her because of that time she was in jail or whatever. Oh, get on with it. "Who knows if she'll even recognize me?" says Nadia. Dude. She got your damn CELL PHONE NUMBER, let's assume she's done her fair share of research when it comes to your actual appearance, homie. God.
Just then, Sonia arrives, and she's in a wheelchair. She removes her big-ass sunglasses and she has two huge shiners wrapping around her eyes. Nadia goes to her in a panic and Sonia just apologizes, saying she had nowhere else to go. And, can I just say that, as much as I love Sonia Braga, if she's a Derevko, I'll eat my own hand. Yeah, I'm jumping ahead to the reveal at the end, what of it? WHAT OF IT? She's no goddamn Derevko, that's all. I think they're all adopted or something. Or clones. Or fembots. I have no problem believing Isabella Rossellini as Irina's older sister Katya, but a Latina actress of a much more advanced age being cast as the oldest sister of a trio of evil Russian spy chicks? I. Don't. Think. So.