Episode Report Card Erin: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A cup of No-Doz and an espresso IV, STAT!
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.26.2005
This entire scene, by the way, is totally pointless and kind of annoying, even with Dixon in it, and that's saying a lot, you know, because I loves me some Carl Lumbly. I'll try to get through it as quickly and painlessly as possible. Stubbly Lambert says some shit to Dixon about his rep. Outside in the van, Vaughn is holding onto Linus and keeping him around to pump for information that can help Dixon ace his interview. Dix and Stubbly keep bantering back and forth until, finally, Stubbly asks Dix what went wrong on the Kroner job. Vaughn asks Linus what happened on the Kroner job. Linus would rather bitch about the stuff that Stubbly called him. Vaughn would rather Linus answer the damn question, so he yanks out one of Linus's brow piercings. Heh.
Dix starts to vamp, waiting for the information from Vaughn and Linus. But they're too busy arguing and fighting with each other to tell Dix the Kroner story. Vaughn rips out one of Linus's earrings and threatens to rip out another if he doesn't spill. Linus says that Kroner stiffed him ten grand. That doesn't explain why Kroner hates him, Stubbly points out. After a couple more ripped earring threats, Linus finally says that he hacked Kroner's credit card to pay for hookers and then sent the bills to his wife. Everyone loves this story. Except me. Because I don't understand the point. Nor do I care to. This is one big bowl of cut-rate filler, ladies and gentlemen, and I want to leave room for dessert, so I'm not filling up. Stubbly says they leave in an hour, and orders Dirty Broderick to tell the team to meet them at some airfield.
Apple Store. Oh, god. Jack's picking at his damn hand again. Just. Don't. But he does. And then, as if it's the most natural thing in the world, Jack picks up his letter opener and starts scraping at his palm with it. Syd enters, forcing Jack to practically fling the letter opener across the room. She's all, you wanted to see me? He's all, what letter opener? I don't know what you're talking about? NOTHING IS WRONG WITH MY HAND. Actually, he just says something about how Stubbly Lambert must've had a tap on the Indonesian embassy in order to get the intel out of it and Syd thinks that, if the tap is still around, they might be able to access it remotely, just like Stubbly did. Huh? In the whuh? I…yeah. No idea. Syd says she'll get Marshall right on it and then leaves, allowing Jack to go back to DIGGING AT HIS PALM WITH A SHARP IMPLEMENT.
No. Seriously. I have the TiVo paused right now and I can't bring myself to look at the screen as I type this. Suffice it to say, Jack stabs and digs at his hand as if he has no pain receptors whatsoever and finally pulls out…a clear capsule? I don't know. I'm not looking. My eyes are closed. It sounds like he's stabbing at a raw piece of meat and then sucking something out of it with a straw. EWWWW. But, yeah, it's some sort of capsule. Jack holds it between his fingers and looks absolutely flummoxed at its appearance as the Flutes of Way To Gross Us The Hell Out, Writers lead us into the break.