Episode Report Card Sars: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT A Family Way
By Sars | Season 4 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.31.2000
Fade to the PB&B. Bessie banters with the guests while "Where In The World Is" Bodie "Sandiego" brings dishes to the table. Bodie! Yay! Joey reports proudly that she got an A on her English test; Bodie congratulates her, and Joey says she stayed up all night studying at Pacey's and she's exhausted. "I'm sure you are," Bessie snipes. Joey demands to know what Bessie means. Nothing, Bessie says, and asks for the potatoes. Joey persists, Bessie ignores her and asks Bodie for the potatoes instead, Joey picks a fight with her in front of the paying (and, at the moment, cringing) guests, and Bessie takes the bait and bitches that either Joey had sex with Pacey the entire night or she's running a mail-order birth-control business out of her room. Heh. Bodie's jaw freezes mid-chew; he looks like he might start giggling. Joey busts on Bessie for snooping, and Bessie says that Joey has enough condoms up there "to fill a warehouse" and she wishes she could lock Joey in her room because she doesn't think Joey's ready to have sex, and Joey shouts that Bessie let her spend the summer alone on a boat with Pacey so what's her problem, and Bessie sneers that she didn't "let" Joey go, "[she] just went," and what could she have said? "Nothing," Joey snaps, "just like there's nothing that you can say about this," and she gets up and clears her plate, and Bessie follows her and says she can say one thing -- Joey's making the biggest mistake of her life. Joey tells her that she's not having sex yet, but at some point, she will, and Bessie can't do anything to stop that. Bessie rails at her that she's only seventeen and "doesn't understand the first thing about consequences and responsibility," and as the guests slink away from the table, Joey hisses back that her whole life "is consequences and responsibility," and storms up to her room. Bessie watches her go, open-mouthed. In the background, an unperturbed Bodie continues eating his dinner. Snerk.
Soccer match. Jack and the kids do a warm-up cheer. Molly is wearing a long face because Billy and Todd haven't showed up, so "we're definitely gonna lose." Jack reassures her that "they're just a little late, that's all," but Molly informs him that Billy and Todd's dads called her dad and said that Billy and Todd had to quit the team "because you're dangerous." Jack's face freezes. Molly repeats, "They're not coming." Jack recovers after a moment and tells Molly to remember that whether Billy and Todd quit the team, or whether everyone else quits the team, he and Molly will play some soccer and eat some pizza. Awwww. Molly nods sadly and slumps away, but turns to tell him, "Don't worry, Coach Jack. They're all just jerks. I know you're not dangerous." Jack half-smiles, but looks like he might cry.