Episode Report Card Jessica: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 7 | Aired on 11.05.2002
I hate Pacey's plot so much. I can't imagine what ridiculous career they would have saddled him with next season, if there were going to be a next season. Nuclear scientist? Neonatal cardiologist? Long-distance speed-walker? This reminds me, I have to call the WB and remind them to officially announce this show's cancellation, so that I can throw my big party. ["Don't forget to put my name on those invites." -- Sars] Anyway, over at the stupid stockbrokers' office, stupid Bobby Briggs announces that all of the trainers have passed their Series Seven tests. "Some with flying colors," he says, handing Pacey an envelope. The hell? I can't believe we didn't even get a tiny scene of Pacey at the test, or even a throwaway line about it, since we’ve seen so much fascinating footage of him studying. Anyway, everyone passed, and they're going to New Orleans for twenty-four hours to celebrate. "We are so obnoxiously wealthy, we are flying to the Big Easy," Bobby says. "Obnoxiously wealthy"? Maybe it is 1996. Because all I know is, judging from my own portfolio, the market ain't doing all that well. Also, wouldn't it be more realistic to go to Atlantic City for the day, from Boston, rather than New Orleans? ["Or Foxwoods?" -- Sars] Whatever. All the stupid stockbroker trainees look excited, especially Pacey, since he's seen the previews for this episode, which already gave away the fact that he's going to find him a hooker. Of course, the commercials also indicated that this was The Big Pacey's Downfall Into Debauchery And Moral And Ethical Destruction Episode and we've only seen about three minutes of Pacey-related footage. So maybe she's not a whore after all, just a girl who has sex with Pacey and then accepts a loan.
After the ads, we cut to some incredibly low-budget B-roll footage of New Orleans that I think a production intern found in a basement somewhere. Pacey trolls the casinos, where he strikes out with two women who I think may also been whores. One of the calls him "Percy." Note to writers: it's only funny when tertiary characters get Dawson's name wrong. Bobby Briggs makes fun of Pacey for his bad luck with the ladies. I wish Bobby Briggs would get crushed by a falling slot machine. I didn't even know that you could gamble in New Orleans, which just goes to show you how innocent and sheltered I am.
Liberty Hell's Kitchen, where Joey and Oliver flirt weakly. They're back to their old banter about Sam and Diane -- as if Joey was even born when Shelley Long was on Cheers. I can barely remember that, and I'm a good seven years older than her character is supposed to be -- when Audrey comes up and asks for a shot. She hugs Joey drunkenly and waves a wad of bills in the air, telling Joey to "buy a round of shots for the Future Boyfriends of America!" Behind her, some drunken male yahoos cheer. Joey and Oliver exchange concerned glances as Audrey stumbles away with her drink. "Okay, who did her parents buy off to get her into Worthington?" Oliver asks. Joey raises her brows, but can't contest this, as it is, as we know, actually true. Instead, she just tells Oliver that he's more "acerbic than usual." Oliver sighs and wipes down the counter, admitting that he hates working a double shift. "And I hate working with Sam," he says." No one to flirt with?" Joey asks. Who is Sam? Sam Malone? That's a confusing choice for the name of a nonexistent character, especially considering that we were just talking about Cheers. "Or insult. Whichever you prefer," Oliver shoots back at her. Joey smiles at him and promises she'll be back. "I have to go stroke Audrey's ego," she says. Oliver rolls his eyes, but not unkindly. "Sounds enticing," he says, and watches as Joey goes over to check in with Audrey, who promptly unbuttons her blouse and waves her hooters in Joey's face. You know, I sort of like Joey and Oliver together. I know, he's like Pacey Part Deux, but it's not unrealistic (in my personal experience) for girls to sort of go for the same type of boy over and over again. And I don't mean that in a snide way. Some people have a type, is all, and clearly Joey does. It's not a bad type, and Oliver isn't a bad example of Joey's type. Actually, as much as I like Pacey, I've always felt that it was unrealistic for Joey to end up with either him or Dawson: people just don't end up with their high school boyfriends all that often, even if they really loved that person. I'd find it far more true to life for this show to end with Joey in a relationship with someone she met at school. And am I currently defending the narrative choices on this show? How'd that happen?
Book signing. Professor Unambiguously Closeted sure is happy to see Jack and his little leather jacket. "I don't like to let free food go to waste," Jack shrugs. He and the good professor talk aimlessly about Professor Unambiguously Closeted's book for about ten minutes too long. No one watching this show cares about a boring character's nonexistent book of fake academic essays. Finally, we get to this scene's big reveal: Professor Unambiguously Closeted's wife isn't moving with him to Chicago. But Professor Unambiguously Closeted doesn't want to talk about it. And why should he? Telling Jack about coming out (presumably) to his pregnant wife might be dramatically compelling. Instead, Professor Unambiguously Closeted offers to introduce Jack to some of his smarty-pants friends, if Jack has the time. Jack says he does. I will only approve of this boring scene if it eventually sets up a plotline wherein Jack turns into a well-adjusted brainy guy with a hot and equally brainy boyfriend.