Episode Report Card Sars: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Discovery
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 02.09.1998
Capeside exterior shots. Icehouse. At a table inside, Dawson relates to Jen and Pacey as Joey giggles along, "So there she is on tape, doing it with some guy." Jen can't believe it, and neither can Pacey, who asks in evident dismay, "Wait wait wait, what are you talking about -- you have a tape of TaMAHra?" Joey sneers, "Oh, I'm sorry, Pacey, I know you thought she was saving herself for you," as Dawson explains how he got the footage by accident, adding, "And the rest is pornographic history." Well, I made it past the first commercial, anyway, but you can now mark your Sars Maalox Scorecards at six minutes twenty-one seconds. Pacey nearly knocks a drink over as he too-casually asks if they could tell who the guy on the tape was. Dawson says, "Standard over-the-shoulder shot, I can't see the guy's face." Joey describes him as having "brown hair and throbbing neck muscles" while grimacing meaningfully. Yeah, I think we get it. Thanks for dropping that brick on my head, though. Pacey thinks he should "get to take a look at that tape," and Dawson says, "Sure -- we'll arrange a private screening for ya." Joey adds, "Yes, you can flog the bishop in privacy." Go to the light, Old Joey! Go to the light! Pacey snaps, "You know, that's really clever how you turn all that sexual repression into humor." Joey glares at him. Jen says she should get going "before Grams puts out an APB," and Dawson offers to walk with her, and Pacey calls after him that he wants to see the tape, and Joey mutters, "Pervert," and Pacey mutters back, "Prude."
Cut to the sweeping lawn in front of the Leery and Ryan households. Dawson and Jen stride up it, holding hands and doing that goofy swinging thing with them, and Dawson observes that Pacey acts like he has a lot of sexual experience, but "it's a lot of bluster." Jen has on a super-short skirt and a tight plum top which indicates pretty clearly that she needs to go up a bra size, because she has a serious case of "bifocal boob" going on in this scene. Jen says she's heard that "the more a person talks about it, the worse they are at it." Dawson: "I hardly ever talk about it." Jen: "I know. That's why I keep sticking around." Sars: "[Heave.]" They stop and give each other the pre-kiss cross-eyed look, but as Dawson leans in, Jen sees Grams peering at them from behind a curtain and says, "You know, Dawson, now may not be the best time for this," and he grumbles, "I take it we're not alone," and Jen makes a stupid comment about "practically a menage à trois," and then points out as she plays with his hair, "Just look at it this way, Dawson -- repressing desire can only make it more powerful, so I figure the next time I see you, we are in for one titanic kiss." She starts to leave, then says "screw it" and hikes her tongue down Dawson's throat. Grams's jaw drops, and she lets the curtain fall.
Jen walks into the kitchen to get herself a glass of milk, and Grams rebukes her, and Jen points out that she just kissed Dawson, and Grams reminds her of "a lot of trouble back in New York starting after 'only a kiss.'" Jen says that Grams's definition of trouble "is broader than anyone's I know." Grams asks why Jen thinks her parents sent her to Capeside in the first place. Jen doesn't want to go into it and makes a sarcastic comment about hearing "a recitation" of her sins yet again, and Grams says she doesn't want to torture Jen, but she doesn't want Jen to "stray down the same path twice." Jen gives Gram a bunch of lip about getting "bored" with having the same conversation over and over and going around in circles, "so let's just end this right now. What you saw outside with me and Dawson, Grams, was only a kiss." She grabs a cookie and clomps out of the kitchen. Grams looks nonplused, and I don't blame her, since incorrigible grandchildren who took that tone with me would find themselves sailing ass-first into next week, and she closes her eyes and repeats, "Only a kiss."