Episode Report Card Sars: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Discovery
By Sars | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 02.09.1998
Yes, it occasionally feels good to pay less. At least, it does until the shoes fall apart on your feet three days later.
Dawson and The Flash. The Flash attempts to knot his tie and asks Dawson, "Do you have any idea how long twenty years is?" Memo to the writers: why don't you save us all a lot of time and just give me the anvil? That way, I can walk on over and bang my head on it whenever I want. At least the throbbing will keep me awake as The Flash keeps babbling about the four years he and Gail "dated," and Dawson tries to tell him he needs to talk to him, but no, The Flash has moved on to the subject of his college friends who have all gotten married a second time by now (clang), and Dawson tries again by mentioning that he knows he probably picked the wrong time to bring the subject up, but The Flash doesn't listen and says, "You know, after twenty years, I can still see the same thing I did then" (clang!), and Dawson flinches as The Flash finishes strong with, "Can't imagine my life without her" (CLANG!!). Alas, I lose consciousness only briefly -- so briefly, in fact, that I don't miss Dawson murmuring, "Dad -- there's something I gotta tell ya."
The Flash says it sounds serious, and Dawson says that it is, but before he can get to the point, which, much like a desert oasis, seems close enough to touch and yet never actually arrives, Faithless Hussy bustles in, having wrangled her clown pouf into a chignon, and tells The Flash she needs another second, and they kiss, and the cooling breeze of a nostril flap soothes my wounded brow as Dawson glares at his mother. The Flash, admiring the butt of his inconstant bride: "Dawson, I'm, I'm listening." Dawson, exasperated: "Happy anniversary, Dad. Have a great time." The Flash: "That I will." Sars: "Ouch. Pass the crack."
Joey adds up receipts at the Icehouse cash register as Jen strolls in. Joey says flatly, "Sorry, kitchen's closed." Jen tries to make nice: "Well, if you can survive the shock, I actually came to see you." As Joey looks at her with an arched eyebrow, Jen says, "I need some advice." Joey, coldly: "And what field do you consider me an expert in?" Jen: "Dawson Leery." Joey doesn't want to go there, or anywhere nearby, and tries to put Jen off by saying she's busy closing up, so Jen gets straight to the point: "I told him I wasn't a virgin." Joey's brows shoot up, and she smiles and says, "I think I have a minute," and whenever Jen and Joey have one of these brief friendly interludes, I feel like they should become friends, but they never do. Anyway, Jen says that she felt Dawson's disappointment in her, and it made her mad, "and now I don't know where we are." As a random extra putters around in the background, Joey holds forth: "Well, let me tell you about Dawson. Granted he's articulate for his age, but he's not exactly mature." Word, word, a thousand times word. Joey continues, "I mean, he's a classic only child. He pouts when things don't go his way, and he only sees things in black and white. Anything else confuses him." Jen smiles ruefully: "Yeah." Joey then confides, "And when it comes to women, there are popes who have had more experience. I mean, the guy was a shrimp until last summer. To say his sex life was limited is the understatement of the decade." Oh, don't sugarcoat it, Joey. Heh. Jen tries not to snicker as Joey says, "It's barren. A desert. I don't envy what you have to deal with, believe me," but of course she does, and Jen senses this because she asks if Joey is trying to scare her off. Joey says, not very convincingly, "No," and adds, "I'm just trying to tell you that every guy who grows up to be one of the good ones was probably a dweeb with girls when he was fifteen too." Jen wants to know what Joey would do. Joey shrugs. "Same as you. I'd get hurt, mad, confused, ask people for advice, maybe the wrong people, and then I'd wait." Jen: "For what?" Joey: "For him to grow up, come around. Everything." Jen, asking about Joey as much as about Dawson: "And how long does that take?" Joey, embarrassed: "Don't go by me. I'd probably be stupid enough to wait forever." She stares into the distance until Jen interrupts her reverie by asking, "Mind a little company?" which takes Joey aback.
In TaMAHra's bedroom, which looks like that of a ten-year-old, Pacey quizzes TaMAHra on the extent of her sexual experience. She tells him she's slept with one guy in high school, one in college, and three since then. Pacey, satisfied with this answer, thanks her and goes back to reading a Time magazine article on sharks, which wins the award for strangest product placement to date, and excuse me, but have they become a couple already or what? TaMAHra then adds that, when she said "a guy in high school," she didn't mean her high school. Pacey smiles. Har. Dee. Har. Har. Not.