Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Everybody Must Get Stoned
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 03.30.2000
Down in some dark catacombs, which must be completely stuffed with decaying, decomposing, delicious bodies, Crichton and Aeryn get lost. Someone watches them from behind a corner; distant screams and moans reach their ears. A look of genuine fear on her face, Aeryn runs forward, then stops short. She yanks back Crichton, who, passing her, had been about to barrel right into the middle of things. Looking across they see Chiana, hanging upside down with her knees hooked over a bar, singing to some hanging stone bollards on either side of her head. A weird faze-y force field is hovering around her head and moving with her. Remember when I mentioned that psychedelic risotto earlier? Yeah, well, that's what Justin Monjo had for dinner the night he wrote this episode. The stone singing reminds me of Labyrinth, though. Remember how Bluto could sing to rocks? And the time he sung them to rise out of the water so they could all cross the Bog of Eternal Stench? And how every time they stepped on a rock, it farted? As did the weird anus-looking things spooging out of the bog? Man, even with Whitesnake hair, David Bowie was so hot in that. Chiana's hair has been mud-sculpted into cherry red dreadlocks that stand in spikes all over her head. I'm getting itchy just looking at her.
Quickly formulating a rescue plan, Aeryn volunteers to cover Crichton while he grabs Chiana. Aeryn fires at some stonework over the Stoners' heads. They pause in their rapture and stare at Aeryn, grinning idiotically. Charging forward, Aeryn yells at them to get down on the ground. Chiana has flipped herself down and demands of Crichton, "What are you DOING? No one's ever lasted more than fifty microts in that thing!" Crichton stares at her. One of the Stoners slides a curious hand up Aeryn's thigh. "I wouldn't if I were you," Aeryn growls. The Stoner doesn't seem to heed her, so she grimaces and stamps him in the chest, pointing her gun at another one's forehead. Chiana bitches that they had "no right" to come after her. "We were worried about you," Crichton insists, ignoring my screams of "YOU STOLE AERYN'S PROWLER -- THIS ISN'T ABOUT RIGHTS, BRAT!" Chiana tells Crichton to fuck off, twitching, "Now, I don't have the time." Crichton watches her go, and behind him -- I can't believe I never saw this before -- there's a swinging penis. Upper part of the shot, slightly left of middle, a black, rubbery, SWINGING PENIS! I don't believe it's connected to anyone, and it probably has something to do with the stone singing force field, but still: SWINGING PENIS! How freaking bizarre. I really need to try those mushrooms.