Episode Report Card Keckler: D+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Everybody Must Get Stoned
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 03.30.2000
With greedy satisfaction, Rygel surveys his redecorated room, festooned with the spoils of his grave robbing. "Now, this is what a Dominar's chamber should look like -- hung with the blood-stained trophies from my conquests." More like rotting-flesh-stained, there, Ryg. The camera zooms in on the death mask and then sprints to a golden jug, which falls and breaks obediently. Other treasures follow suit, hurling themselves to the ground. Finally, the only thing left on display is the death mask. Rygel mutters, "This cannot be real. Yes, I know what's happening."
From the ship, Zhaan tells Crichton that the tissue samples from Janixx do indicate long-term radiation exposure, but the levels are pretty low. D'Argo adds that Pilot thinks the cliff chamber is acting as an amplifier, increasing the radiation exposure. Aeryn posits that that's why everyone dies at twenty-two, and Zhaan agrees. Crichton wonders if Das knew that already. "He knew if the clans moved out of the caves, they'd stop dying so young," Crichton muses. "They'd have no reason to Take the Stone," Aeryn says, Peter Cotton-Tailing sarcastically. Crichton thanks D'Argo and Zhaan and promises they'll be back soon. Zhaan blesses them and signs off just in time for Rygel to zoom in and accuse Zhaan of effecting a curse in his room. He refuses to return any of his junk and zooms huffily off. Zhaan looks serenely interested in this turn of events.
Down on the planet. Vyna goes into labor. Aeryn and Crichton walk in and Aeryn offers to help her. Vyna flings Aeryn's hand off and says their clan gives birth alone while everyone else is at The Gathering. Crichton comments sourly on Chiana "doing the bungee without the rope." Vyna screams at him to leave her alone. Aeryn and Crichton quickly explain why they all die so young. Crichton says that Das probably knew the reason, too. Aeryn explains that if they all move out of the caves and to the surface, they and their children can live longer lives. Crichton insists they talk to the clans and promises no one has to jump again. Screaming in pain, Vyna explains that Molnon didn't make Das jump, the rules of the clan did, and Das understood that as he died. Vyna announces that Das will now live forever because he Took the Stone. Vyna flings at Aeryn and Crichton that they are old and worn out. If Aeryn's the definition of worn out, then bring on old age! Oh, wait, she's only a year older than me. Vyna again yells at them to leave. They finally do.
Out on the cliffs, there's a whole lot of Peter Cotton-Tailing going on. Chiana kicks out her legs twitchily and looks deep into the pit. Crichton makes a speech. He explains the radiation and says they can all be old just like him if they move to the surface. Molnon hisses that the surface belongs to the Royals and their tombs. Interesting that the Stoners live deep in the caves, but they're such shallow individuals, they'd rather die than get ugly. A Stoner makes a move on Crichton, but he and Aeryn whip out their guns in unison. "You think that Janixx has it bad. Wait until you see what this does to your face," Crichton says quietly. HELL YEAH! A round of fist pumps for everyone, on me! Chiana whines in Crichton's direction, but he tells her to shut up. Grabbing Molnon, he drags him forward and invites him to kiss his beloved stone. "Whaddaya say? Wanna take it together? Tick, tick, tick, tick! Time's running out," Crichton whispers. "Garda doesn't understand," Molnon slurs, "we want The Stone." More Peter Cotton-Tailing, including one from Chiana. Can't they all just freaking jump and be done with it? Crichton shouts that the clans should vote. Molnon says he'll do whatever the clans want. Crichton steps back from Molnon. "You satisfied?" Chiana asks him. Crichton tries to explain. She stops him, saying, "You can't help me," and turns back to the pit.