Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Bitchelle of Mercy
By Gustave | Season 3 | Episode 17 | Aired on 04.05.2004
The phone rings. Palmer picks up. Homeland Guy exits Palmer's office. "It's him," says Palmer to Brother Palmer, referring to the new supervillain, Stephen Sahhhhn-ders. Palmer keeps him on hold until Brother Palmer can run down the hall and alert a team of call tracers. He finally picks up, and Sahhhhn-ders tells him it's time for his first assignment. "It's a very simple one but one necessary to our future relationship," says Sahhhhn-ders. Oh, shut up, Sahhhhn-ders. Just tell him what to do and be quick about it. After a bitter exchange about the nature of said "relationship," Sahhhhn-ders orders Palmer to have his secret service men open up a mailbox across from Palmerville, find a package wrapped in black paper -- oh, how Barneys! -- and have them bring it to Palmer. "I'm not doing anything until you tell me exactly..." shrieks Palmer as the phone goes dead. Meanwhile, in the other room, the nerdy call tracers couldn't get a trace. The call was too short. Palmer has Brother Palmer send the Secret Service to pick up the package.
Back in the Kiefmobile, Kiefer is driving and doing online research on Sahhhhn-ders while Special Agent Charlie Brown sits in the passenger seat doing jack shit. "There's no evidence he surfaced after Kosovo," says Kiefer. "So for the past six years he's been letting everything think he was dead?" asks Charlie. Kiefer is konvinced that if Sahhhhn-ders survived, he had to have been kaptured and imprisoned for years. "If your mission failed, maybe he was the reason," says Charlie. "He could have betrayed the team, pretended he'd been killed and gone over to the other side." "You don't know Sahhhhn-ders," says Kiefer in a velvety omnipotent whisper. "He was a patriot. Something else happened to him." Kiefer grabs his cell phone and calls Trevor Tomlinson at MI-6, which I guess is the L.A. branch of MI-5. Either there's something wrong with my TV, or Trevor Tomlinson is the phantom of the opera, or Ron Perlman's character from the eighties series Beauty and the Beast. Seriously, he looks like Nick Nolte, fresh from a post-cocaine-binge chemical peel. Trevor has already been briefed on Stephen Sahhhhn-ders's non-death, and is currently doing more research. Kiefer asks him to run a search for all of Sahhhhn-ders's contacts. Trevor finds only one name: Diana White, a high-priced call girl who got intel from her diplomat clients and passed it on to Sahhhhn-ders. He patches the data through to Kiefer's computer. Why the fuck isn't Kiefer at least making Charlie Brown drive?